tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21248379542026331972024-03-17T02:53:02.682+08:00My Sirius♥ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶Ainatul Mardhiahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07740612343931944271noreply@blogger.comBlogger244125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-39492985608878728282023-07-20T22:03:00.000+08:002023-07-20T22:03:00.644+08:00love? ugh.<p> I have utterly forgotten about this blog, have I. No posts for a year? wow.. </p><p>Well, crowny, you wouldn't believe it. Since I started working, I've fallen in love TWO TIMES! Unbelievable! Well, not gonna lie.. it might be three times now.. my heart desperately wants it to work but my brain says i will end up broken hearted, just like every. single. time. And I believe my brain more, really. </p><p>I also couldn't believe that my sisters are all grown up now. Both of them have boyfriends too, duh?? pretty and clever girls, who wouldn't wanna date them right? Truly happy for them but also, I'm feeling a bit of melancholy in my chest, being like.. I'm the eldest.. wasn't I suppose to experience it first? Is there something wrong with me? (there probably is, Maddy). </p><p>Then I spiral into deep thoughts where I doubt myself again, over and over, questioning this and that. Criticising every single cell in my body. I spent so much time and money going to therapy sessions just to 'try' to love myself and learn to accept who I am but then I have these days where I'm just feeling miserable and cheerless. Do I have anything on me to love? I'm living perfectly fine on my own but why do I long for someone else? It's really embarrassing to think about. </p><p>Welp, I guess I'll just have to update you when it happens. As a hopeless romantic, there is still an ever-blooming flower in my heart that keeps me hopeful that one day, she can rely on someone to water her soil and shower her with compliments. And one day, maybe one day, she wouldn't be alone anymore. </p><p><br /></p>Ainatul Mardhiahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07740612343931944271noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-37650147767782361152022-03-06T22:15:00.005+08:002022-03-06T22:19:45.743+08:00You live in our hearts.<p> It was Nenek's birthday last Saturday. Even after her death, I still don't talk a lot to her. When I went to her grave I was just quiet, just like I always were. But I think my love and sincerity reaches her. She used to talk about me often. Every time we pass Ainsdale she said 'Nanti Ain beli rumah kat sini'. I hope she knows that I love her so much and maybe I am a little relieved that she doesn't feel pain anymore. I know it's agonising to go through dialysis every 2 days. Everytime she returned from the hospital she had more brusises than when she came. She also couldn't talk because of her trach and it hurt when she spoke.</p><p>Oh, yeah, a lot of things happened between this and the last post. I lost my Nenek forever. And my happy pill Pakteh, and my Mak. </p><p>And because it was Nenek's birthday, I thought of those times again. When I was in Danial's room. We were gonna eat together when mom called me. When I heard the news I just said 'Why?' That's the burning question, isn't it? Why? Why did she leave us? I cried like I never did that day. Who would've thought. We hear about people dying all the time but never thought that it will happen to us. It will never happen to me. How arrogant was I. Bad things happen to everyone, especially me. </p><p>It has been 7 months and I still cry thinking about them at night. I think everyone in my family has this deep hole as well but who can we even turn to? Every one of us is experiencing the same thing, actually even more. My grandfather lost his wife whom he was married to for 50 years, and 2 of his children. Inah became an orphan. Mak was her only parent. My mom lost her mom, her eldest sister and his only brother. It was hard for all of us and we still talk about them like they are here. 'Pakteh is scratching his head hearing me say this'. 'If Nenek was here she would scold you'. 'Put the things beside Mak's books'.</p><p>If I'm being honest, I wish it would continue forever. So that Pakteh, Nenek and Mak knows that they never left us. They live in our hearts as long as we breathe. I'll go to your graves and bring you flowers. Even though I never gave Pakteh flowers before. I wonder why I never thought of that. He would've really liked it. Well he likes everything we ever gave him, haha. I gave him a Stitch mug once, but he never used it because he likes it so much he just wanted to keep it. I even bought him a German Shirt to give him when I go back to Malaysia. But he never get to receive it... </p><p>I miss you. I miss you that I feel literal pain in my chest. I wish I can hug you one last time because the last time I met you was more than 2 years ago. Pakteh's last words to me during a video call was 'Comellah Ain' :,) Now I only meet you in dreams. Still, thank you for letting me see you. Please visit me sometimes, okay? </p><p>The house is very empty now. From seven now only left four. Nenek's bed in the middle of the living room, I bet my family cries every night on it. The house smells different now, too. Although it used to smell of medicine and pain, but it was comforting.</p><p>When I left to Germany, you know what my greatest fear is? It's losing my loved ones when I was far away and cannot do anything. It was my only fear. During Raya 2016, I prayed so hard to God, please don't let this be the my last Raya with all of my family members. But it was. That Raya will never happen again. We will never be whole again. </p><p>The only bright side of this is I live while well knowing that my Nenek, Pakteh and Mak is in heaven. It became my main reason to go to heaven too. I want to meet them. I hope they are proud of me. Nenek, Pakteh, Mak! Ain dah graduate! And dah dapat kerja! Hehee. Satu hari nanti kita jumpa lagi tau. I love you.</p>Ainatul Mardhiahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07740612343931944271noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-44020217574928688412021-07-02T21:36:00.095+08:002021-07-13T05:41:13.093+08:00German 5G Technology in my veinsToday, I am officially part of the 55.7% of the German population who has their first vaccination!! YAYY!!! Alhamdulillah!!<div><br /></div><div>So, basically yesterday, the 1st of July, around 1pm, I was at Aimi and Iqa's room getting ready for our hangout in Munich later in the afternoon when suddenly all of our phones rang at the same time and it was an SMS! Sent by Impfzentrum Augsburg (Augsburg Vaccination Center) with some good news!! They notified us that we can now book an appointment for the first vaccination. We are all in Priority Group 4 (Picture 1 below), which is the last Priority Group, meaning we have no importance whatsoever, haha. We are not over 60 years old, no medical conditions, we don't work with kids or people, we are not medical staffs, police or fire brigade. People who match these descriptions belong in the 4th PG (including students like me!)</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-tx7C1AZyTMZ6rxQCKjFzh2rfWP4h5My-0h7RGDr24seNU9txwNaHo8q4x4gOdnBcbEgs75u2lQoYqpyAKg3UsSXZyxwDbfVN_dxUQOGpPvq1MRwT9229AqjgrrGXDvQQ4OkBp1UAgn8a/s1280/photo5409041277137302193.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="591" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-tx7C1AZyTMZ6rxQCKjFzh2rfWP4h5My-0h7RGDr24seNU9txwNaHo8q4x4gOdnBcbEgs75u2lQoYqpyAKg3UsSXZyxwDbfVN_dxUQOGpPvq1MRwT9229AqjgrrGXDvQQ4OkBp1UAgn8a/s320/photo5409041277137302193.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(Picture 1)</span></div>When we received the message, we were surprised and happy! But also panicked as we rushed to book an appointment with the Impfzentrum. The earliest appointment available was that very evening at 4pm but we already planned to go to Munich so we opted for the next day, 2nd of July. My appointment was at 11am, Aimi's at 10:30 and Iqa at 11:15. To my surprise, I was the only one who will receive Moderna and not Pfizer!! I was kindof disappointed, not because I don't trust the vaccine or anything, but because Pfizer is more popular! I want the one with the cool name! It was a childish thought, of course, because Moderna is just as functioning and reliable as Comirnaty BioNTech/Pfizer. I even thought of asking the doctors to change my vaccine, haha. (So glad I didn't)<div><br /></div><div>So today, the moment we have all been waiting for, I woke up early, bathed, got ready and feeling refreshed and excited!! We went to the Impfzentrum by train and walked 16 minutes there (after getting lost for a while) and waited for our turn. I was lucky because I got to ride a cart to the main building instead of walking! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6U0dlPQRbwZpynu6ZLgqGWUjo8YYf6vGDja1WJZjsMuS7FW3FWiopn9pbYSCWDMsO1ONb-Q9dY-Hc7iZn0X4eDexiysa7mSGV7uguVIrQLhna0sZZcVsDZmpeE2N6jXGU2EcSLe7cXEOQ/s1280/photo5409041277137302181.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6U0dlPQRbwZpynu6ZLgqGWUjo8YYf6vGDja1WJZjsMuS7FW3FWiopn9pbYSCWDMsO1ONb-Q9dY-Hc7iZn0X4eDexiysa7mSGV7uguVIrQLhna0sZZcVsDZmpeE2N6jXGU2EcSLe7cXEOQ/s320/photo5409041277137302181.jpg" /></a></div><div>After the vaccination, I just felt grateful that I am given the chance to be vaccinated. I know if I were in Malaysia right now, I probably would get a vaccine like next year, the earliest. I also made a video explaining more about the experince linked down below! </div><div><br /><div><iframe frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://youtube.com/embed/ppPrh8dsGPc" style="background-image: url(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ppPrh8dsGPc/hqdefault.jpg);" width="480"></iframe></div></div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0QFFH291PunVwbDSPYfIAeAQSKUzMLovd3a7Tp_Pt3OlU6dW5Fguo_LMInLLd4J_V8UtnULlB3qjYCYhh9lNnFQOF3U9bVSurMtp_uaNiHhaGKHwumy722EFl0nG50KwVkXORALU8wsYP/s1280/photo5409041277137302178.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="1280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0QFFH291PunVwbDSPYfIAeAQSKUzMLovd3a7Tp_Pt3OlU6dW5Fguo_LMInLLd4J_V8UtnULlB3qjYCYhh9lNnFQOF3U9bVSurMtp_uaNiHhaGKHwumy722EFl0nG50KwVkXORALU8wsYP/s320/photo5409041277137302178.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiThtyp5nDy7iXEwlVT7bWwGfGCfzaSCvEUSivsObJUOUp61K3aEMTdQKOccoaKX6N5peZp_iKzL8reW-oAAkHmQlP8GpWruvYcdOHOoaJ1IVXhC8kG93hsIzMCvOtHuvR0cCQHtvsvjst5/s1280/photo5409041277137302179.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiThtyp5nDy7iXEwlVT7bWwGfGCfzaSCvEUSivsObJUOUp61K3aEMTdQKOccoaKX6N5peZp_iKzL8reW-oAAkHmQlP8GpWruvYcdOHOoaJ1IVXhC8kG93hsIzMCvOtHuvR0cCQHtvsvjst5/s320/photo5409041277137302179.jpg" /></a></div>Using vaccination as an excuse to eat my two pints of Ben&Jerrys.<div><br /></div><div>That is all from me, see ya!!<br /><div><br /></div></div>Ainatul Mardhiahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07740612343931944271noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-78574507608858354102021-01-08T08:23:00.004+08:002021-01-08T08:27:04.034+08:00Same ol' same ol'<p> So.. it's 2021 now huh? I'm 24 this year? Now I'm one of those people in their mid twenties and having a quarter life crisis. Oh my goddddd I hate this so much. Time is just, so mysterious. It heals all wound but at the same time injures. Oh how I wish it just stops for like idk.. a month? so that I can grasp everything that's in front of me. My life is now just a blur of faded memories. I'm so scared that 10 years from now I won't even remember this moment. I won't even remember what it feels like to live in Germany. </p><p>So I'm supposed to finish my Bachelors Degree in 2 months. Can you even believe that? It feels like just last year I flew to Germany for the first time (<a href="http://myoneandonlycrowny.blogspot.com/2017/01/" target="_blank">blog post here</a>) now I'm almost finished? What have I gained for 4 years... hmm weight? 10 kilos of that for sure. German proficiency? Not so much :/ Friends? Lol, in my dreams. Hmm,. I have no idea. And I totally have no idea how I got here either. How did I pass all those exams? I just winged them honestly. Yet somehow God helped me pass them all. I'm not gonna be self-centered and say I worked hard for it. I did have a lot of hard times, sure, but my efforts are not even half of what my other classmates/ batchmates went through. I got lucky so many times, I really have to thank Allah for that. Now I want to do Masters?? Ahahaha what a joke <span face="Tahoma, sans-serif, Arial, Helvetica" style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; white-space: pre-wrap;">웃기고 있네.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It's just so sad that even when everything is okay, there's just this void feeling, this longing for the lost times. And I can't do anything except walk down memory lane. I know, it can't be helped. Life goes on. If it's gonna happen, it will happen, right? Not even one second late. </span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Hmm,.. que sera sera. </span></span></p>Ainatul Mardhiahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07740612343931944271noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-91738930731222169562020-12-18T21:30:00.004+08:002020-12-20T05:26:29.123+08:00Down<p> Sigh,</p><p>I know people change, and I hate to admit it, as much as I want to not change at all, be it my innocence or my moral compass, I changed too. And it's for the worse. </p><p>For the last 4 years, nobody complimented me for reading so many books, for being so brave, or for being clever. Now I can't even associate myself with intelligence, because I am really convinced that my brain is smooth as silk. Not wrinkled whatsoever. They say the more wrinkled your brain is the cleverer you are right? But me? nahh I don't use my head anymore nowadays bruh. </p><p>I'm appalled at the fact that I can't do math anymore. I forgot all about integration and Laplace Transformations and whatever else you study and I have 0 interests in them. If 15 year old me met 23 year old me, she wouldn't believe we're the same person. 23 year old me is mean and unfriendly, not to mention, she has bad skin too, ugh. </p><p>Why am I suddenly writing this? Well, it's because I've been feeling useless for quite some time now. Since I started becoming a university student. Is being in Germany actually good or bad for me? For SEVEN FREAKING SEMESTERS I've done nothing but 'menunggang' group projects, waste time and gain weight. I don't even know how I got this far. I'm amazed at myself for succeeding in staying alive while doing the bare minimum. I am so scared that when I go back to Malaysia, these behaviours are going to stick with me. I don't wanna be who I am now. I hate who I am now. I want to change for the better too, but I am so so busy with everything that's going on, deadlines everywhere, I don't have time for anything. I just hope that everything passes and surely, someday, I'll come back to my senses. </p>Ainatul Mardhiahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07740612343931944271noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-28990203932640071612020-10-28T07:00:00.002+08:002020-11-05T21:02:31.000+08:00The terrifying 23<p> Being in your early twenties, I think this is the part of life where you feel you're young and old at the same time. In the life spectrum if humans live averagely for 90 years, I'm only 25% there but when browsing social media all them them are zoomers and you don't relate to 'kids nowadays' anymore. Idols are debuting left and right and their <span face="arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #4d5156; font-size: 14px;">맏형 (</span>oldest) is a 00's liner. I used to call everyone oppa and nowadays nobody is oppa anymore T^T</p><p>Being 23 is for me, personally, I start to live in the moment instead of waiting for anything to end. I don't look forward to my graduation, nor my semester breaks. I try to appreciate everything around me more. The weather, these friends, my room. Things that I will miss in the future. Recording every scene with my eyes to keep in my heart. When I'm old one day I'm going to close my eyes and remember that one random night where we cooked Nasi Ayam together and sang along to 'Lagu Jiwang' Spotify Playlist until 1 am and they called me Karaoke Queen. Another night I will remember we played Pictionary with Syafiah and Ahnaf and the Girls Team won. </p><p>I learned not to count days anymore because in highschool we countdown days till SPM, making me feel like SPM is my life goal. 'When I finish SPM, I would be happy. I would do a lot of things when I'm older', I thought as I forget to take a good look of the people who were here for me; people who helped me throughout the journey. I was busy hating the school, I don't even remember why. Yeah, the kids were annoying, but I could've focused more on building relationship with people that matters. Do more fun stuff and not just stay in the dorm and study.</p><p>I wish I could relive my younger days and do all the things my younger immaure cowardly self couldn't do. Like joining a sportsclub or stand up for myself or confess to my crush. I wonder how things would've changed. Sometimes I dive too deep into the depths of my imagination and think of impossible things and then I hate myself for it. </p><p>If you asked me a few years ago do I have regrets? I would've struggled to answer But now, being 23 and looking back, actually there are a lot of things I would've done differently or acted more maturely.</p><p>23 is also a year where I feel like I'm late in life, comparing my life with other people. My closest friend in Germany got married, most of my highschool friends already graduated, a lot of them already had successful businesses. Growing old is hard, growing up is even harder. </p><p>sigh</p><p>But its okay, though. I'm content :)</p>Ainatul Mardhiahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07740612343931944271noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-68915212215019948102020-07-02T23:00:00.000+08:002020-07-04T06:23:35.652+08:00InnalillahiwainnailaihirajiunI lost a grandparent for the first time today. I have thought about it happening for a looong long time but every time I push it back and say, no, it won't happen to me.<br />
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But it did. </div>
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Who am I to say no to qada' and qadar. I pray that Allah prolongs all 4 of my grandparents lives every day. I'm scared to have that happen to me. </div>
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I am very lucky to be born with all 4 grandparents still living. That itself is a huge blessing to me. But I know every soul must taste death. I just didn't know it would be this fast. The fact that I am so far away made it so much worse. I wish I could see him for one last time, be there with him when he's lowered in the grave. But that's all qada and qadar and I accept that. </div>
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But I feel relieved knowing that my grandfather had been nothing but kind, strong and pious. I will miss your traditional house models made from skewers. You were a creative handy man. Your ears can't hear but your lips are always reciting zikir. Sometimes you write them down in cursive. I remember finding those books scattered around the house. Talking about the house, yeah, you even made that yourself. You used to have a basement, now it's the lower floor. Your joke made when I was 10 or 11 I still remember until today 'Antara Ain, Ya dan Atir ayah siapa paling muda?' It made totally no sense to me that time (until now even) maybe that is why I remembered it. Haha. Oh, in case you're wondering, the answer is Ain (me) bcs my father was the youngest when he had me. Honestly, the words I've said to you for all my life might've been less than 550 words. Adding to your hearing loss, it's quite hard for us to chat but I've always loved you the same. I pray that we meet again in Heaven, insya Allah. </div>
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Semoga Allah menempatkan arwah tok abahku dalam kalangan orang-orang yang beriman</div>
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<span style="color: white;">I think I have never said this to you: Ain sayang Atuk. </span></div>
Ainatul Mardhiahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07740612343931944271noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-2780503708580913602020-06-02T21:22:00.001+08:002020-06-02T22:55:38.108+08:00Raya 2020 (saddest)As all of you know, this year's Raya is not like any other in our lives. In fact, 2020 is totally cancelled. I don't wanna play anymore. Just skip me. How do I hack this year. From January the virus, to June racism. Things keep worsen exponentially.<br />
All of us couldn't go anywhere this Raya, which defeats the purpose of Raya itself (ziarah menziarahi) and all we have is the ones close to us (or live nearby for my case). To a lot of others it's your family but to me, since I live 10 thousand km away from Malaysia, it's my friends. It is indeed the saddest Raya in our lives but I am glad at least I have a few people to share it with. Thank you for making my Raya bearable.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpLxqSfKsP7T8qYeobe8r4nf0fGF_zeYO_0HhCrHz10PlZMF1yHCSJJwss4cmqrlTKKPf6MzOeLwduiaTFSc8wsFV-LCZy2aB53VbBmC5dTO60E0H2Fwuu8PBNJ3E4wVRwgRh-nb8QI6Oy/s1600/IMG_20200524_143623_313.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpLxqSfKsP7T8qYeobe8r4nf0fGF_zeYO_0HhCrHz10PlZMF1yHCSJJwss4cmqrlTKKPf6MzOeLwduiaTFSc8wsFV-LCZy2aB53VbBmC5dTO60E0H2Fwuu8PBNJ3E4wVRwgRh-nb8QI6Oy/s400/IMG_20200524_143623_313.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
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(I'm so in love with this picture you have no idea)</div>
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So we decided to have everyone cook one dish from start to finish and I'm in charge of Kuah Lodeh. Aimi cooks Rendang Ayam, Iqa Rendang Daging, Husni Kuah Kacang and Danial & Imran Nasi Impit and help everyone. We slept earliest at 3am that night. Really living up to Suasana Hari Raya Song, '<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Ketupat rendang sila nikmati kawan. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Penat memasak malam ke pagi'</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">(I made this from scratch. I'm so proud of myself)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">1st Syawal morning, I ironed my Baju Raya and went to Iqa's to settle for a good shawl style. We tried a lot of styles the day before and thank God I have one style that I find okay on me. Then like usual morning Eid prayers, and not as usual, live online khutbah by a government official.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO73IjH5FaOunXgRuxilxjK9-CQmq_YTHb6sprXhbH0i0cK2agy7U9O-gvdgX8OU2yT246qXsg-Pha1rz-HULOrCb8zyu8Ckr4Wt9BGI8JiuOFmEn7iZ9-BwqA72Ve9Sw_uh36YdRf-unZ/s1600/20200524_091820_628.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO73IjH5FaOunXgRuxilxjK9-CQmq_YTHb6sprXhbH0i0cK2agy7U9O-gvdgX8OU2yT246qXsg-Pha1rz-HULOrCb8zyu8Ckr4Wt9BGI8JiuOFmEn7iZ9-BwqA72Ve9Sw_uh36YdRf-unZ/s320/20200524_091820_628.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
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(looking back at this I find it is not as okay as I thought I was lol)</div>
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So here are our Raya pictures:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfzIfv5bQN1PZ3grZIWw1VC43AiQ7wGsEfhREAB_WM1r35PgV4O4qDnSLJbNb3tLHCiwvOB9rSNR1m5chVtcbKBD61huVOC5-Q3djyxdXUNTSL2QolrT3p8wacjOgpNuiiSD15v-d0T1qc/s1600/20200524_094705.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfzIfv5bQN1PZ3grZIWw1VC43AiQ7wGsEfhREAB_WM1r35PgV4O4qDnSLJbNb3tLHCiwvOB9rSNR1m5chVtcbKBD61huVOC5-Q3djyxdXUNTSL2QolrT3p8wacjOgpNuiiSD15v-d0T1qc/s320/20200524_094705.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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(satin shawl girls)</div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">Also made new friends! Apparently there are Malaysians living in the same building as me other than the ones I know. So, hi Syl and Hasif! #teamrayasilbermann #inijangkauanmasalampau</span></div>
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<br />Ainatul Mardhiahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07740612343931944271noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-18821247816998205892020-04-05T04:53:00.002+08:002020-06-02T21:42:24.743+08:00Jabatan Alam Sekitar Negeri SembilanMy course in university (like every other universities in the world) demands that I have an 18 weeks internship. Ahha I felt like a soccer mom saying 18 weeks instead of 4 and a half months ahahah anyways.. I got recruited for this internship very very last minute after a few cup of tears, long story short, alhamdulillahhhhh!!<br />
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Just 2 weeks before the deadline, I got an offer letter from Department of Environment Negeri Sembilan or more known as Jabatan Alam Sekitar Negeri Sembilan, JASNS. It was one of the most precious experiences in my life. For the first time experiencing work life and guess what, it was not even half bad.<br />
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This is my first day of work picture.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE_IEUfeU24pBCnDGpl2i3ycZ6xkrE5dsw1mdhMncnepuihg44OCwkeohZYPp-rMRPkZzY0gfFwAfEiSj8Yw_PEFShWOJFT2x1OAtynz-2TR7yvodHb9yqPayqLgHvsBZx1bKME6avDmjq/s1600/20191001_114305.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE_IEUfeU24pBCnDGpl2i3ycZ6xkrE5dsw1mdhMncnepuihg44OCwkeohZYPp-rMRPkZzY0gfFwAfEiSj8Yw_PEFShWOJFT2x1OAtynz-2TR7yvodHb9yqPayqLgHvsBZx1bKME6avDmjq/s320/20191001_114305.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
It would be too long if I wrote every fun thing that happened while I was working at JAS so I will include the best ones here.<br />
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For introduction, for 18 weeks I was there, my I spent 12 of them with my one and only fellow intern, who is called Ayu. What a name. She was the first Ayu in my life. ahaha. And it was fun interning with her. After she left, a few more interns came but nobody can beat my first intern friend. (Also some were really weird so that was quite the experience)<br />
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We went hiking a lot. Apparently it was Hari Alam Sekitar Negara and it's a way to show appreciation to the nature.<br />
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We also went to a lot of meetings/workshop/conference at fancy hotels and ate delicious scrumpdidlyumpcious food. EHEHE</div>
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Become an exhibitor,<br />
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Celebrated my birthday,<br />
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my family also surprised me at work T^T </div>
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Become a facilitator for a boy scout camp,<br />
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(Ayu & me became celeb for a day)</div>
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the best part, went to a team building camp in Perak,<br />
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<span style="text-align: left;">So yeah, that's it. It felt so fast. It ended before I knew. 많이 즐거웠어요. 소중한 기억으로 기억할게요.</span></div>
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Thank you to everyone who took care of me and were nice to me, especially Kak Haily, Kak Ain, Kak As, sisters from the admin department, and every JASNS staff.</div>
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Misc pictures aka felt cute might delete later:</div>
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<br />Ainatul Mardhiahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07740612343931944271noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-17062520286586909362020-03-22T21:05:00.001+08:002020-03-22T21:05:29.810+08:00QuarantineSchool should've started a week ago but here I am, watching jacksepticeye's Spiderman gameplay after his 34+ hours of Subnautica gameplay and sooo soo many episodes of Kdramas lol, God make me stop (or don't. I'm loving this) I mean... qurantine.. apparently it is basically my lifestyle. I'm not even bored. I mean, it has only been 2 weeks but no human contact? No problem.<br />
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But of course I totally hope things get better soon. I wanna go to Munich to buy Disney stuff. Also I have a degree to finish ahhaAinatul Mardhiahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07740612343931944271noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-36552421109846138222020-03-14T17:11:00.002+08:002020-04-05T01:08:25.071+08:00CoronavirusIt has been 5 days since I landed in Germany and number of COVID-19 cases have been skyrocketing, from 500+ cases per day, now 900+ cases per day. I am scared beyond words.<br />
I know people say young people aren't gonna have it, why are you worrying so much well, because you don't worry enough, now there are 3.6k+ cases in Germany (as of today) compared to 1k+ just a few days ago.<br />
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I just can't believe it. I went to buy some groceries yesterday and NOBODY, I mean, NOBODY wears any kind of mask whatsoever and everyone doesn't give a SHIT about this pandemic. They are just chillin in the sun, having picnic in a crowded public area, just because the weather is nice. YOU IGNORANT FOOLS!! I don't know what to say. Honestly, my mind is blown at how nonchalant these people are.<br />
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Also a huge problem, masks and hand sanitizers are sold out EVERYWHERE, like you can't even buy it on amazon or anything. Doesn't that mean that there are buyers? People buy them but don't wear them? or,... did these shops never sell it at the first place?<br />
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No wonder europe is the epicenter of Coronavirus right now. I am not surprised AT ALL. Sometimes, I'm just FURIOUS at all these ignorant people taking things lightly. Yes, you shouldn't panic whatsoever but also you should take precautions! Like,... you know.. the virus is spreading but still hold Karneval? Gathering tens of thousands of people in one place?? Why wasn't it cancelled at the first place??? Are these people idiots?? And then you curse out the sick person for not staying at home. Yeah, that person is an asshole for not isolating themselves but you know what? People who take part in those huge gatherings are assholes too.<br />
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You are young, you won't be infected, but how about our parents? our grandparents? our pets? that live with us? Sighhh Idk man, I hate these europeans so much. Not all, please, if you're one of a few precaution taking european, THANK YOU!! SO MUCH!! I LOVE YOUU, Keep up the good work.<br />
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Please tell your friends and family to do the same. I'm just so worried for everyone, please be safe!! No matter where in the world you are. I love you all.<br />
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Here are some useful links to keep updated:<br />
1. <a href="https://www.who.int/emergencies/diseases/novel-coronavirus-2019" target="_blank">WHO</a> <span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">provides daily updates surrounding COVID-19’s spread, infection rate, and general influence on our society</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2. <a href="https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/" target="_blank">Worldometer</a> daily updates on number of confirmed cases globally</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>Ainatul Mardhiahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07740612343931944271noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-16503627335532895162020-02-13T12:13:00.001+08:002020-06-15T22:00:50.437+08:00My Seoul Part 2<a href="http://myoneandonlycrowny.blogspot.com/2019/12/my-seoul.html" target="_blank">For Part 1 click here</a> (very encouraged to do so, please do so!)<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "apple color emoji" , "segoe ui emoji" , "noto color emoji" , "android emoji" , "emojisymbols" , "emojione mozilla" , "twemoji mozilla" , "segoe ui symbol"; font-size: xx-small;">P/s: click to enlarge pictures</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "apple color emoji" , "segoe ui emoji" , "noto color emoji" , "android emoji" , "emojisymbols" , "emojione mozilla" , "twemoji mozilla" , "segoe ui symbol"; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">DAY 4</span> <span style="font-size: x-small;">(30.8.2019)</span><br />
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Finally!! The highlight of the trip, wearing Hanbok at Gyeongbokgung <span style="font-family: inherit;">Palace </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">(</span><span style="letter-spacing: -0.083em; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">경복궁)! </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">I was sooo excited that morning, I woke up with vigor! So me and sis, like usual, using our beloved korean public transotation to the designated Gyeongbokgung Palace station (Line 3 Exit 2). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But first! We had to stop by the Hanbok Rental Place (already made a reservation from KLOOK) named Hanbok That Day </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">To our dismay, it was faaaaaarrrrrrr awayyy ㅠㅠ 😭from the station. We even got lost. Luckily there was an information booth nearby so we stopped there to ask. It was deeep inside the alley. Truly, the hanbok there were MESMERZING. Each and every piece was undoubtedly beautiful. My korean friend even praised me for choosing a very beautiful traditional dress; and remarked that a lot of tourists nowadays wear very modern ones with western designs (for example, full of glitters and too much added material)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Here are me and my sister just enjoying our day in hanbok, kind of daydreaming of becoming a korean princess (truthfully this is just a commoner's hanbok, not the royal's😆) and please excuse my face, thanks.</span><span style="text-align: center;"> </span><br />
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(Just a commoner using the bus XD)</div>
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I have to say, I feel comfortable wearing a Hanbok, just like I'm comfortable wearing a Baju Kurung. I'm good with traditional clothing, apparently.</div>
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At around 2 o clock, we went to eat. Tired of eating korean food everyday 😂, we ate at Restoran Kampungku. FINALLY! Malaysian food!! Trust me when I say the food here is more delicious than normal restaurants in Malaysia 👍<br />
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(random picture of Yohan)</div>
Brace yourselves, this is gonna be a looongg day. After Gyeongbokgung, we went to Hongdae, for ANAOTHER RENTAL AHAHAHHAA. Evening event is wearing a......<br />
.<br />
*drum roll*<br />
.<br />
Korean School Uniform!!<br />
<a href="http://nu-gu-na.com/free/english" target="_blank">Nuguna School Website</a><br />
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I truly had fun and it definitely awakened the child koreaboo inside me. Lol, please don't take my words literally 😄.<br />
You think I stopped here, oh no no, the day is still young, baby.<br />
Next stop, a really cute cafe, CafeYam. The drinks and cakes were deeeelicious.<br />
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Then Line Store in Hongdae:</div>
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Okay, lassstttly, at night I found myself too absorbed in the street dances, I forgot it was late ahahah. They were reallyyy good dancers. If people on the streets are THIS good, I wonder what I would feel if BTS is front of me. They were the ones dancing but adrenaline were pumped IN MY BODY AHHAA. I really enjoyed it, but sorry dear dancers, I didn't give you any money, although being there for like an hour 😭. Please forgive my broke ass.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">DAY 5</span> <span style="font-size: x-small;">(31.8.2019) (Finale)</span></div>
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This is me, very sad that at the end of this day, I would aready be in Malaysia </div>
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(I will miss you Ryan)</div>
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Then we ate the infamous 핫도그 Corndog. (Fast forward to the future, in Malaysia I went to a few places that sold corndogs, until now, this one that we ate in Korea was the best)</div>
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Eid Restaurant. I think a lot of people know about this restaurant. In this world, there are only 3 Eid restaurant franchises and I am proud to say I went to all 3 (Itaewon, Bangi and Seremban)! Taste wise, all 3 were about the same level of deliciousness but of course, the one in Korea tastes the best, because of the fact that we are actually in Korea AHHAHA.<br />
The owners were soo so friendly and even volunteered to take a picture of us.<br />
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And if Malaysians go to Korea, it wouldn't be a trip if they didn't visit Itaewon Mosque. Here is the inside picture of the mosque because we stopped to pray and didn't even think of seeing the front of the mosque ahaha. Quite a bummer, actually, why didn't we? Oh,.. yeah.. we were late to meet my korean friend ahah.<br />
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Apparently in Itaewon, my korean friend, Kyeongeun told us that there are a lot of hipster cafes that normally foreigners don't know about and truth be told, I couldn't see any foreigner while we were walking. There are a lot of beautiful shops too. One very aesthetically pleasing shop is this (IDK the shop name) shop that sold old school stuff and old cereals lol.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIGblhoC9drP6d3ChbxJz-Mb5WpV7Kx_njwgltASuXLNh595EqDQWx3u1V5LdMkt46qOvpdGRDIFiJuWU-lCOUgED9hBmgXDnFT9mnyJeoce6WxE4Nsvxm0KsfzeIrRXzOfmTf6Ouivtes/s1600/20190831_161511.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIGblhoC9drP6d3ChbxJz-Mb5WpV7Kx_njwgltASuXLNh595EqDQWx3u1V5LdMkt46qOvpdGRDIFiJuWU-lCOUgED9hBmgXDnFT9mnyJeoce6WxE4Nsvxm0KsfzeIrRXzOfmTf6Ouivtes/s320/20190831_161511.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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(I regretted not buying Shin Myohan, I really did)</div>
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This is the last cafe we stopped at before departing to- ah.. one second, let me wipe my tears- it's a sad day. Okay,.. yeah soo.. Kyeongeun and her sister were such good sport they even bought us drinks and cake. 너무 감사합니다. 잊지 않을 추억이였어요.<br />
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다음에 또 만나요 안영!!<br />
BYE BYE!<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(To whoever reading this, thank you for reading till the end, <a href="https://myoneandonlycrowny.blogspot.com/p/travel.html" target="_blank">here is my travel tag</a> if you are interested in reading my other travel posts. Once again, thank you!)</span>Ainatul Mardhiahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07740612343931944271noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-88625305592942955232020-01-18T23:30:00.000+08:002020-01-18T23:30:24.749+08:007 Years Later, New Year QnA<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I answered this QnA 7 years ago. <a href="https://myoneandonlycrowny.blogspot.com/2013/01/looking-back-in-2012-who-am-i.html" target="_blank">Heres the link</a>. I read it recently and want to answer it again and see how my life and maturity has changed XD. So I will be putting my old answers on the top, and new answers at the bottom.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Here it is: </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">1: What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012) PMR, wore braces, read books more than ever!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) Went to Korea and France, studied in 4th Semester, had internship in Malaysia for the 5th Semester, arranged a birthday party for a classmate, held my own birthday party at 22 lol</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">2: Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012) No I didn't. I had never achieve my resolutions, as long as I can remember. Nevertheless, I will still make new ones despite how I know it will be just some other failures in my life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) Lol what was it again?? I don't even remember. Getting thinner I think, but that went down the drain. I mean, I think my weight is just the same all year. For real though, new year resolutions are fake as hell bruhh. I'm not doing it this year. For 2020, I just plan to live happily.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">3: Did anyone close to you give birth?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012)Hm,.. no.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) No. Last closest birth was in 2017 </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">4: Did anyone close to you die?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012) Yes, my uncle. He left a wife and a cute annoying child..</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) They aren't close (like my Toksu) but it still breaks my heart. People around me seem to go away one by one and I'm scared. I'm seriously very scared. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">5: What countries did you visit?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012) Hell nothing. I had never been in an aeroplane. Insya-Allah.. as soon as possible!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) Paris, France. Seoul, South Korea. In the future maybe Greece? or Italy or Spain, not sure yet. I need to confirm who will be available ehe.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">6: What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012) Ke-diligent-an. Lolz.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) I wanna go to concerts, man. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">7: What dates from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012) 19 Dec, I should've taken my PMR results but I was in Fraser. 21 Dec stupid end of the world date that I survived. And some other dates I can't tell.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) 14 February I broke the tie with a close friend, 1 October First Day of Internship, 28 October, my birthday. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">8: What was your biggest achievement of the year?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012) PMR! HEHEE</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) Just.. living?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">9: What was your biggest failure?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012) Failing to stop my heart beating so fast when I hear his name. Who? NIALL HORAN.<br />(2019) When am I not lolll. I think not being able to have or maintain a good relationship with people who live with. I have good friends in Malaysia, sure but in Germany? I don't think anybody really cares. I have only me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">10: Did you suffer illness or injury?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012) Alhamdulillah, no. Even if there was, it wasn't serious lah.<br />(2019) Heartbreak. Twice in a year, wow. Not to be mistaken with a breakup tho XD no, not the romance kind. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">11: What was the best thing you bought?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012) Food<br />(2019) Merch. TONS OF KPOP MERCH and albums. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">12: Whose behaviour merited celebration?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012) Dinie's!<br />(2019) Nobody. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">13: Whose behaviour made you appalled?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012) Pajel's! She's not as Asian as I thought. :D<br />(2019) Ha! Should I even mention? Well a notable one is my classmate. I thought we were gonna love and accept each other but,.. apparently not. I still appreciate her as a friend and very grateful for everything she did but we are bound to break. Once I finish my degree, I don't think we'll be seeing each other anymore.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">14: Where did most of your money go?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012) Food</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) Rent</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">15: What did you get really, really, really excited about?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012) Going to PD with a bicycle! and, when I was going to go to Genting and eat suuuuuuushiiiiiiiiiiii.<br />(2019) Going on trips!! with good company and Korean idols, have you heard? They aren't human. They fall from the sky.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">16: What song will always remind you of 2019?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012) When Can I See You Again- Owl City<br />(2019) Bad Guy- Billie Eilish, Boy with Luy - BTS. Also my fav 2019 song is Mikrokosmos BTS</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">17: Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012) neutraler, fatter, richerrrrrrrrrrr. I got Raya money BABEY</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) last year on this day, I was in London XD. This year in Malaysia. Both are happy places! But generally, I think I get more depressed every year, just as a person. I slowly lose joy in doing things in life. One thing that keeps me happy is Kpop (+Kshow & Kdrama). That's why I have a lot of love for these artists. Because i have a lot of love in me but I can't seem pour it on real people, you know?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">18: What do you wish you’d done more of?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012) I wish I did more praying, Quran reading and excersising<br />(2019) Surprisingly, my answer since the last 7 years have been the same. I wish I was closer to God.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">19: What do you wish you’d done less of?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012) Eating<br />(2019) Being sad</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">20: How did you spend Christmas?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012) I don't celebrate Christmas. Should I tell you about Eid then? My Eid was great just like my other Eids. <a href="http://myoneandonlycrowny.blogspot.com/2012/08/greys-aidilfitri.html" style="color: #ff5f5f; text-decoration-line: none;">Check this out!</a><br />(2019) at home sleeping</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">21: Did you fall in love in 2019?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012)Um,.. I don't know.<br />(2019) Over and over!! Sometimes Taehyung just glows like never before. I also fell in love with Rowoon, Jaewook and Bentley Hammington this year. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">22: What was your favourite TV program?<br />(2012) DORAE-MOooooooN~</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) At the moment, New Journey To The West and The Great Escape</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">23: Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012) Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez. I'm sorry guys they are with One Direction! I'm so mad about that. I know, selfish right?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) *coughs* <a href="https://myoneandonlycrowny.blogspot.com/2019/02/when-should-friends-stop-being-friends.html" target="_blank">click here</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">24: What was the best book you read?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2012) Harry Pottah!<br />(2019) sad to say, the ony book I remember reading this year was the one I read last week, Entiti by Syafiq Aizat</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">25: What was your greatest musical discovery?<br />(2012) One Direction! Oh, that was 2011.. Um, but I saw this awesome video which the song writer draws musical notes on the lines at the same time draw other things like birds or whatever. I like that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) I have to give it to ATEEZ. They're AMAZING!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">26: What did you want and get?<br />(2012) I wanted many things in 2012. I have to say, I got many of them. Food, air, bed, family, sleep, clothes, shoes, life, good results..</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) Pass my exams haha just, passing. Also going to Disneyland Paris and Seoul was my DREAM!! for a long time. I'm glad that happened.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">27: What did you want and not get?<br />(2012) And there are more things I did not get but you can't just waste money like sand, right so just be patient and you'll be able to buy them when you've become a doctor, Ainatul!!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) I have to laugh,... a doctor? You are going to be an engineer, Ainatul!! XDD. I have a lot of things that I want and not get. Eg: BTS Concert</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">28: What was your favourite film of this year?<br />(2012) Rise of the Guardians.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) No doubt Frozen 2</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">29: What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?<br />(2012) I got in the same class with my loved ones. I realized how I need them more than ever now since all of us aren't in the same class. This is depressing, really.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) My Malaysian Internship did it. I am so happy being in this Department. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">30: How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019?<br />(2012) Nerd, serabai, selekeh and sloppy like usual.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) Nerd, serabai, selekeh and sloppy like usual.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">31: What kept you sane?<br />(2012) Dinie, Fadzlin and Aina. Also, Lower form Mathematics. I'm really insane now that I'm sure that I'll have ZERO time to play games, watch Korean things and know the outside news.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) I have to say,.. I don't know. I think it's the thought that my family has great expectations of me and to be honest here, am I ?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">32: Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?<br />(2012) ONE DEE-RECK-SHON!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) BTS. since 2013 and always</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">33: What political issue stirred you the most?<br />(2012) Bersih? Lol.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) As much as I love Malaysia, I have to say, it's a shit country now. The new government is shit, living expenses is shit, I just hate all the government people in the parliament. They are like monkeys that don't have brains. Supporting communists? Malaysia is not an islamic country? No pension? Fuck you people. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">34: Who did you miss?<br />(2012) Aina Fatnin..</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.3em; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) I miss the old me. I miss my brother not having this deep voice. I miss it when he was not taller than my shoulder. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">35: Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019.<br />(2012) I should appreciate Form 3 because Form 4 is hell.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.3em; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">(2019) 1. People leave. No matter how much you do for them. They WILL leave. 2. Enjoy your time abroad as much as you can. 3. Try not to take to heart everything that people say. It will only make you sad and heartbroken. Alone.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">36: Quote a song lyric that sums up your year<br />(2012) Matilah Kau.- Once</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">(2019) </span><span style="background-color: white;">어리석은 경주를 끝내 Let's end this stupid race - BTS</span></span></div>
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Ainatul Mardhiahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07740612343931944271noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-7887050357168470132019-12-29T11:50:00.002+08:002020-02-13T12:21:18.371+08:00My SeoulAnother bucket list crossed. I have been wanting to go to Seoul and Korea since 2013, since I started liking Kpop, sorry I'm basic.<br />
It was actually a last minute plan, buying the tickets and stuff like 2 weeks before flight. We actually planned to just use an agency my parents used in the past, LetsJomKorea. Some info about LetsJomKorea, this person will bring us to every place that we want, eat with us, show us tourist spots, it's like a personal tour guide but cheaper. Unfortunately the person in charge already have plans and are busy on the dates that we picked and she actually suggested to us her friend. I was okay with this, of course because it's still managed by a Malaysian and I thought they worked in the same company.<br />
<br />
Turns out she had a whole different company and they don't provide the same service as LetsJomKorea did. She said our dorms are really cheap. It's muslim friendly and only 15 000 won per night. I thought that was okay. I was disappointed but I still considered because the accomodation is cheap; until she gave me the pamphlete.<br />
<br />
"Damn that's expensive, this can't be true"<br />
<br />
So I said to her, well I don't want all this personal driving, I am very fine with using public transport. Because what the hell, one day of driving is 100 000 KRW. She said, yeah.. sure. We can drive you only on certain days and you can ride the public transport on others. But I said, sorry I'm really fine going public so I think I will only use your dorm.<br />
<br />
I knew she was annoyed, because we discussd a lot about the prices and in the end I didn't want it, I understand, and I'm sorry. But what could I do? I don't have the money.<br />
<br />
Fast forward a week she whatsapped me:<br />
<br />
"Hey, I'm really sorry but I actually forgot that on the dates you chose, our whole dormitary will be full. It was booked by UIA students far before you did. I guess I was too busy wanting to help you that I forgot such an important booking"<br />
<br />
What the actual fick?<br />
<br />
Before everything else, the first important question I asked was, are there free rooms on these dates? and she said yes?? and I agreed so I bought flight tickets after?? and now she said something else. With one week left until the trip, she told us such nonsense news. I guess she was really frustrated and irritated that I didn't take her driving service because, surprise surprise, the driver is her husband himself.<br />
<br />
I questioned her why was it full? How can we get another cheap accomodation this last minute? How can you do this to me?<br />
<br />
She said to search it on the internet<br />
<br />
Wowww cool. I didn't know the internet has booking sites, thanks alot.<br />
<br />
So I asked the LetsJomKorea spokesperson, what to do and she said look around Myeongdong. There are a lot of cheap dorms there that people don't really know about. So I did and FORTUNATELY!!! I found one. Cheaper than that woman's dorm in Itaewon. Alhamdulillah. And it is in Myeongdong, much better than Itaewon, obviously because Myeongdong is cool! and Itaewon sucks! Boo!<br />
<br />
So yeah, we went to Korea <span style="font-family: "apple color emoji" , "segoe ui emoji" , "noto color emoji" , "android emoji" , "emojisymbols" , "emojione mozilla" , "twemoji mozilla" , "segoe ui symbol";"><span style="font-size: large;">🎉</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "apple color emoji" , "segoe ui emoji" , "noto color emoji" , "android emoji" , "emojisymbols" , "emojione mozilla" , "twemoji mozilla" , "segoe ui symbol";"><span style="font-size: x-small;">P/s: click to enlarge pictures</span></span><span id="goog_163264094"></span><span id="goog_163264095"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "apple color emoji" , "segoe ui emoji" , "noto color emoji" , "android emoji" , "emojisymbols" , "emojione mozilla" , "twemoji mozilla" , "segoe ui symbol";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "apple color emoji" , "segoe ui emoji" , "noto color emoji" , "android emoji" , "emojisymbols" , "emojione mozilla" , "twemoji mozilla" , "segoe ui symbol";"><span style="font-size: large;">DAY 1 </span><span style="font-size: x-small;">(27.8.2019)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "apple color emoji" , "segoe ui emoji" , "noto color emoji" , "android emoji" , "emojisymbols" , "emojione mozilla" , "twemoji mozilla" , "segoe ui symbol";"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "apple color emoji" , "segoe ui emoji" , "noto color emoji" , "android emoji" , "emojisymbols" , "emojione mozilla" , "twemoji mozilla" , "segoe ui symbol";"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Right after we landed in Incheon, took the Airport Bus that costed like 15 000 won straight to Myeongdong, and ALHAMDULILLAH!! Our dorm was just like 100m away. After we left our luggage at the dorm, went to the bus station that we arrived at just now, and zoom, came the exact bus to Namsan Tower. Without wasting even one second, our journey was sailing very smoothly. </span></span><br />
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I am not a big fan of bird-eye views, but this one took my breath away. I don't really know the reason. Seoul is just.. beautiful. The soft blue hazeless sky. The way the buildings and greeneries connect, I love it. 아름다웠어. 서울.<br />
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(We left our traces, of course, by vandalising the walls, like everyone else haha)</div>
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Then we go to Myeongdong. This is the first time we see Myeongdong properly. And little did we know, This is the place that we will return to everyday. Every time discovering something new, trying new food, finding different interesting people.<br />
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See what I mean?! Seoul is like fate that ties us together. I met my MALAYSIAN hoobae in a GERMAN University in SEOUL on ACCIDENT. My friends didn't believe me. They said we promised to meet. But we didn't HAHAHA. I really wish the guy at the end of this red thread on my pinky is here. 운명아, 나와라!!</div>
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This is Ewha Womens University (pronounced ee-hwa). I love how there are a lot of female universitites in Korea. I wish there is a few in Malaysia.<br />
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Near the female uni, there are so many clothing stores. With reasonable prices too! If I were to study here, I guarantee every piece of my clothing is from here lol.<br />
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At night, we went to Myeongdong street, AGAIN!<br />
WARNING: There will be a lot more mentionings of Myeongdong so please brace yourselves.<br />
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(This Kimbap wasn't so delicious. I can make better kimbab, I think HAHAH. 역시 집에서 만든 김밥은 취고야)</div>
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(아이스크림 붕어 빵. So nice!! There is honey comb on top. A little bit too sweet if you eat it whole XD)</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">DAY 2 </span><span style="font-family: "apple color emoji" , "segoe ui emoji" , "noto color emoji" , "android emoji" , "emojisymbols" , "emojione mozilla" , "twemoji mozilla" , "segoe ui symbol"; font-size: x-small;">(28.8.2019)</span></div>
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Today we go to Nami Island!!</div>
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Actually to get there was a fuss. It is better to buy online in advance but of course, I don't have a credit card nor a korean debit card so I had to ask for my lovely friend Kyeongeun for help to buy the tickets. Well, in short, public transport in Korea is.. quite expensive, I have to say. If you have a lot of places to travel to. Like, they don't have a Day Ticket like in Europe. So basically you pay like 2 000 won for every train ride, no matter if it's one station or,... 9. For short distance, it's cheaper. </div>
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The return ferry ticket is 13 000 won. </div>
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(found a one-day friend. I forgot her name XD. She followed us around the whole day and we took pictures of each other)</div>
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Around 3 o' clock we decided not to linger at the island any longer, because literally we have seen everything (that we wanted to see). Photos were abundant too.. so we took the ferry and bus back to.. </div>
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HONGDAE!</div>
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This shop is called Stylenanda Pink Pool Hotel. It sells a lot of different stuff. Clothing, makeup, they even have a cafe upstairs.</div>
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(seeeee it even looks like a laundry room!!)</div>
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(this prawn is freaking good)</div>
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(hotteok. 내가 좋아하는 호떡)</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">DAY 3 </span><span style="font-family: "apple color emoji" , "segoe ui emoji" , "noto color emoji" , "android emoji" , "emojisymbols" , "emojione mozilla" , "twemoji mozilla" , "segoe ui symbol"; font-size: x-small;">(29.8.2019)</span></div>
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LOTTE WOLDEUUUU!!</div>
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We went during Halloween so that's a total plus point!!! Also there weren't as many people as my cousin told me. Normally you would have to wait an hour to get on most rides but the only ride I waited an hour and a half for is the French Revolution. Which is said to be the best attraction but.. mehh I think there are better rides at Lotte World. Also another big problem is, my scaredy ass sister could only ride the first 2 attractions before she vomitted her ass off (out of her mouth) and claiming to be dizzy. So in the end I had to ride everything on my own and she just.. sat at the side, watching me having the time of my life with her dizzy little head.</div>
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The best thing about this Halloween Parade is, oh yeah a lot of handsome staff LOL. My eyes are cleanseddd.<br />
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(recreating BTS' pictures at Lotte World #kindafailed)</div>
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(I regretted not buying this Dumbo ears)</div>
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(what? is there a ghost behind me or sumn?)</div>
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(this was the time I found out I SUCK in shooting. On the other hand, my sister found a new talent. She was one of the top shooters and I was in third last place hahahahaha)</div>
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We left Lotte World at night around 8 pm because we, I mean *I* have already went on everything I wanted to ride on. So to avoid human traffic jam, we went out early and went to... MYEONGDONG! AGAIN!</div>
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(a cute canned drink we stumbled upon and thought thats too cute not too buy!)</div>
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This time it's STAR AVENUE!!! This is the closest thing I can get to meeting my idols :( sadly. At least my hands were where their hands once were + millions of other unwashed hands that touched the metal</div>
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(the deep voiced Felix killed me everytime he speaks)</div>
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(SKZ Stray kidzz)</div>
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(Baby BANGTANNN)</div>
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My hands were ugly but I sacrified my hands to make this blog post. To show you guys how CUTEEE their hands were!! TMI fact, my pinky is 5.5cm. Have fun with that useless fact.<br />
More importantly, CAN YOU SEE THOSE HUGE BABY RABBIT HANDS???!!<br />
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And jiminnnn. Jimin, is just too, IDK what to say, it's just too cute I'm swooning.<br />
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Leader-nim hands were the biggest in my opinion. The genius hand that wrote hundreds of award winning songs. I TOUCHED THAT! <strike>(indirectly)</strike><br />
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By the time we left star avenue, (very reluctant to leave actually) it was already around 9 pm. went to a random Myeongdong street to taste anything that we haven't tasted yet. And we walked back home. It was 2 stations away but idk why we walked like 1.5 km lol</div>
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<a href="http://myoneandonlycrowny.blogspot.com/2020/02/my-seoul-part-2.html" target="_blank">Part 2 click here!</a></div>
Ainatul Mardhiahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07740612343931944271noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-3670591294946671642019-12-18T16:41:00.000+08:002019-12-18T16:46:54.792+08:00Update <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Well my
latest post didn‘t age well. So here’s the result: I wasn’t selected as a
member. When I first heard it from the ex-president, I thought, wow, THAT many
people didn’t vote for me? I guess I’m a big loser. Even after asking everyone
I know to vote for me, I still didn’t get the job. So I told a good friend of
mine how sad I was and he said he was very sad for me. His choice of words, I
don’t know felt like he was disheartened more than I was. And he said ‘politics
is a dirty business :(´.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">And even my
own best friend said ‘I want to cry’. Surely, I was so touched, he even
wanted to cry? Because people didn’t vote for me?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">After
begging someone from the inside to tell me what really happened, I sometimes
wished I didn’t. When he told me the story, I was having a team building camp
in Perak. I was in the bus on the way to some place at 8 pm. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">He told me
my votes weren’t low, in fact I was placed 7<sup>th</sup> out of 13. My votes
were even higher than the new president. Then why was I not selected as a
committee? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">“People did
this to you. Your own batchmate that you call ‘friends’. They manipulated the
votes. The old president told them ‘Here’s the ranking. Decide who’s who
yourselves’. One batchmate insisted on making his friend (who was also
nominated but got very few votes) a committee, vouching that he will be a better
member than you; and I quote ‘<i>you know how Mardhiah is, do you think she can do
a good job?</i>’”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">English
didn’t do this quote justice, let me tell you in Malay his words were ‘<i>Kau tahu
jelah Mardhiah tu cane. Kau rasa dia boleh buat kerja ke</i>’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">And so in that
cold air-conditioned bus I felt warm tears on my cheeks as I look up at the
starless night sky wondering where it all went wrong. What did I do wrong. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I was super
excited wanting to take on new challenges, but the chance was taken away from
me, from people who claimed to know me, know how I work. Sure, I did doubt
myself, but I was ready to face anything because I thought I had my friends on
my side. Turns out they were never there. I was alone all along. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">So what was
the election for? If everything was already planned, why hold an election? Why
give me hope? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Before, I
was embarrassed that I wasn’t good enough that people didn’t vote for me, but
now I am sad. Very sad, deep deep in the sad hole. The fact that they chose to
drop me, a friend that loves them as a friend, is appalling. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Is this the organization whose members were going to be Malaysia's next great leaders? People see them as this great beings who graduated from overseas but inside they are corrupt? If this small organisation can be corrupt, I can imagine the government filled with people like them. </span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">This organisation does not deserve me. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I was also
dejected to know that both my best friends knew but didn’t tell me. The only 2
people that I regard as my real friends in Germany. They ‘<i>pity me too much to see me
heartbroken if I know</i>’. Yeah, I’m heartbroken alright. But hearing it first
from someone else, that shit hurts differently. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Now I’m not
only someone my batchmate mistreated, but also someone pathetic in the eyes of
people who care about me. They see me as this pitiful baby bird too weak to
hatch itself from the egg. Helpless. Incompetent. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">But thank
you, sincerely. I poured my heart out to you. Thank you for hearing. Thank you
for comforting me and tried to protect me, thank you. I am blessed to have at
least a few people in my life who are not trying to constantly bring me down. From
the deepest cranny of my heart, I love you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />Ainatul Mardhiahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07740612343931944271noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-47869134003638248902019-11-27T19:41:00.001+08:002019-11-27T19:41:15.134+08:00I look kinda cute<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjNlaNOdgempDPBPzTBPzHOrCz3Y4kGcAU0vmb8IoDJrJE9JKfn7_e3ApatUpGNAeR0Q9ShTxtZYc-icK41TD-4X8L3Hg3q1a5hFYrWS95jrkMTeZCAkDi1EBZF_KuVx28Hyxky6Wor3mW/s1600/20191125-182804-0005-compress48_orig.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjNlaNOdgempDPBPzTBPzHOrCz3Y4kGcAU0vmb8IoDJrJE9JKfn7_e3ApatUpGNAeR0Q9ShTxtZYc-icK41TD-4X8L3Hg3q1a5hFYrWS95jrkMTeZCAkDi1EBZF_KuVx28Hyxky6Wor3mW/s320/20191125-182804-0005-compress48_orig.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Whether I win it or not, though I desperately hope I do, I feel good even being a nominee.<br />
Deep in my heart I've always wanted to try to be in this kind of organisation but my self esteem is lower than the ground and deeper than the sea lol.<br />
I always feel worthless and wonder who the heck would choose me? Nobody in their right mind would.<br />
But I'm just glad I passed that. I mean, I still think that way but at least not right now. Maybe after I don't get choosen I will HAHAH.<br />
Well also I agreed to be nominated because I want to be closer with my friends (since most of the people nominated are in my class). If they don't get choosen, then I don't really have a reason to be in this organisation. Also I wanted to do something more for people and myself. I want to try and hold some responsibility (although I already have a lot to bear). I'm stupid like that HAHA<br />
<br />
Good luck to me. Fingers crossed!Ainatul Mardhiahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07740612343931944271noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-60652697647997604412019-04-11T00:26:00.002+08:002019-04-14T01:31:30.480+08:00The most sensitive person I know is meI'm affected a lot about what people say and think about me. Not only that, I'm also sensitive to the topics that people talk about around me; even when it's not about me, if it's negative things, I feel anxious for no reason. If they badmouth someone, I feel like I'm going to be badmouthed too.<br />
Sometimes they talk about negative things that they noticed about people; things that they noticed but I didn't. Like when I talk to this german person and came back to my friends they were like<br />
'Did you see how she looked at you?'<br />
'Did you notice her annoyed voice when talking to you?'<br />
You know what? I didn't and I don't wanna know.<br />
God gave me this feature because He knows my heart is sensitive. He made me oblivious because that's the best for me. I would get hurt by all these words so if it's not VERY obvious, I would never notice.<br />
Most people would agree on the quote<br />
<i>'Better to the hurt with the truth than comforted with lies'</i><br />
but to me unless it's REALLY REALLY important, I rather be bliss with ignorance. Give me your comforting lies.<br />
Tell me my cooking is good.<br />
Tell me I'm pretty.<br />
Tell me I'm good in speaking German/ Korean.<br />
because I know, deep down I know those are just blatant lies to make me feel better. And sometimes it made me think, maybe those aren't lies. Maybe justttt maayyybe they're telling the truth. So I should improve myself to get those compliments again.<br />
<br />
Also I can say I'm quite brave. Not much but a liiiiittle bit. I can approach basically anyone if I have a question. But before I do, I ask my friends first, but they didn't answer so I thought probably, just like me, they don't know. But when I ask someone else they show this face of disgust like ' You seriously don't know this?' (which I only knew after a friend told me)<br />
Then I came back to the friend and she uttered the most absurd words I've ever heard.<br />
'I heard your question but I didn't answer because it was too easy. I thought I heard wrong'<br />
I'm like SIS WHYYYY *crying emoji*. Even if I asked what is 1+1 you should've just answered me because truthfully, I'm THAT stupid.<br />
And this isn't just a one time incident. It happens a lot and it made me sad all day.<br />
Made me realise<br />
'yeah, you're the only stupid person in class and you know what? You're probably the stupidest in the whole school.'<br />
<br />Ainatul Mardhiahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07740612343931944271noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-75211558133665573012019-02-19T10:33:00.001+08:002019-02-19T10:38:43.792+08:00When should friends stop being friends? I have a friend, let's call him S.<br />
When he and his friends first came to my building I was very happy; no much more than that, euphoric, because I never had any friends on this block. I was finally not alone. And true enough, 3. Semester was the happiest Semester of my life. I had people to cook and share stories with and for the first time in my life, I looked forward to going home, and my bed wasn't the reason.<br />
But here's the thing. This S person, he likes to make 'crude jokes' or 'gurau kasar', and I'm sure he didn't mean what he usually says and I, knowing this, despite being a sensitive girl who cries at the tiniest bit of insult, was never offended by any of it. Because I trust that he doesn't mean it and it was just a way of him having fun, I guess?<br />
But sometimes (or maybe three times to be exact). It just went too far. There are words that my heart can't take even as a joke.<br />
He once compared me to a pig. A fat hideous disgusting creature. It triggered my insecurities because I do think I'm fat and hideous and someone happened to blatantly point that out. But I let it go. Thinking it was just a one-time harmless joke; but guess what, he repeated it and burn me all over again.<br />
My music taste didn't suit him either. Kpop to him is just a contemptuous music genre that he will never give a chance to. I understand that we can't force people to like what we like but I just wanted him to respect it and not look at me like I'm a disgrace.<br />
Looking back, I realized he never sincerely apologized. I just forgave him 20 minutes later and that's it. <span style="color: white;">[I'm a coward who's too afraid to lose a friend]</span><br />
<br />
But here comes the breaking point. When things were all going swimmingly, and we were having a normal conversation, he blurted out this one sentence and the world just stopped. He said something in the lines of "Honestly I don't like talking to you; you might think I'm joking but it's a fact".<br />
Upon hearing it time felt frozen and I can almost hear my heart break. My chest were heavy, I just couldn't believe he said that.<br />
From what I can interpret from this was 'he didn't like talking to me' because of my immature thoughts, I'm not a knowledgeable nor pious person, I don't watch Nouman Ali Khan videos nor I have his books or maybe I'm just boring.<br />
This really hits me so hard like a stinging slap on my face because to me, our conversations were my warmest comfort and I was genuinely happy to be able to share my stories and opinions to someone other than my diary.<br />
My brain were flooded with all the things we talked about;<br />
"If you have a genius child, what would you do?"<br />
"Try hearing this song, what do you think?"<br />
"I was right, there WAS a reason why he always talks to me; he wants me in his religious group!"<br />
"From now on speak only English or German"<br />
"It's good that the Prime Minister didn't let the Israeli athletes compete in Malaysia"<br />
"I bet you wouldn't meet me here if I can sing"<br />
<br />
Did he really hate all of it?<br />
<br />
I always thought of him as one of my most important friends but i guess it wasn't mutual.<br />
Even now, after a week has passed, my heart still aches and tears well up every time I recall that memory. Sometimes I couldn't sleep at night. The scene keeps replaying in my head and I so badly want it to stop but I can't. The food I crave didn't taste the same and I feel like I have a bullet hole in my heart.<br />
So this is his impact, huh? Those few words. Meaningless to him but an avalanche to me. What did I ever do to him to deserve this? I tried to be nothing but good to him but I guess I was never enough.<br />
Why was he nice to everyone else but me? Did he hate me from the start?<br />
For his birthday I went to 6 different Rewe Supermarkets across the city to find that one Oreo flavour that he wants to try (but to no avail). I always buy extra biscuits so he wouldn't be hungry at night. I tell a lot of nice stories of him to the girl he likes.<br />
<br />
Maybe I cared too much. It wouldn't hurt as much if I didn't. But I did.<br />
<br />
I don't know how it will turn out in the future. It probably won't affect him whether I'm in his life or not. I just wish I can stop being sad. And maybe I will return to writing my heart out in a book.<br />
<br />
And I don't resent him. For anything. He is entitled to his opinions and I guess I just have to accept it. I shouldn't act like I matter because I don't.Ainatul Aminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09866392470626618052noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-13693527069247558622019-01-11T23:30:00.001+08:002019-01-11T23:34:01.556+08:00ein Speck im WeltIt hurts when you're the only one going through your struggles. Nobody to share it with, no shoulder to cry on. Nobody to pat you on the back and say 'You did well'. The only thing that helps you feel better is spilling your emotions on paper. And wait for time to heal the wound.<br />
Sometimes I need a break.<br />
From life.<br />
From everyone around me<br />
I want to sulk because nobody came to my aid when I needed it. But then again, it won't matter because nobody cares.Ainatul Mardhiahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07740612343931944271noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-88182298414638785692018-12-11T04:42:00.002+08:002018-12-11T04:42:26.909+08:00StreicheleinheitSoo... my best friend when I was in college has a boyfriend now. I am officially the only single girl in my batch hahaha (fml). <img height="20" src="https://pic.sopili.net/pub/emoji/twitter/2/72x72/1f602.png" width="20" /><img height="20" src="https://pic.sopili.net/pub/emoji/twitter/2/72x72/1f52b.png" width="20" /><br />
I feel happy for her, and at the same time sad, because she didn't tell me anything. "Got boyfriend tell me ah" is what we always said. But she didn't say a single word nor a hint. In fact, I heard it from someone else <img height="20" src="https://pic.sopili.net/pub/emoji/twitter/2/72x72/1f622.png" width="20" /><br />
I wish I was in Hamburg to see the very first buds of love in front of my eyes. I wish instead of Huda, I am the first ones to listen their blooming love story. I wish I was there to witness it all. I hate how far apart we've grown both distance and relationship-wise, and I can't even tell her that without getting her feeling bad (or confused. "Why are you suddenly telling me this?")<br />
And I miss her. A lot.<br />
I was even thinking of doing my masters in Hamburg but you know what they say, being a third wheel between best friends is worse than between a couple. Also I would be forth wheeling because her boyfriend is there; or maybe fifth? sixth? depending how many best friends she has? I don't know.<br />
But I'm glad she found happiness, and I hope it continues forever. She deserves the world and so much more.<br />
I truly miss you, <span style="color: white;">Jie.</span><img height="20" src="https://pic.sopili.net/pub/emoji/twitter/2/72x72/1f496.png" width="20" /><br />
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span>
P/s: the title had no special meaning I just didn't know what to put hehehAinatul Mardhiahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07740612343931944271noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-40033014002097063122018-07-26T00:16:00.004+08:002020-06-02T22:57:45.563+08:00Another Family-less Raya CelebrationThis year's Raya post is only 5 blog posts away from last year's. By that information you can guess how neglected this blog is. (But I still love you baby don't worry). So yeah, Syawal came. That happened. I fasted for 17 to 18 hours a day, no big deal, but Raya, you know.. the most important celebration in a normal Malaysian life, instead of in Malaysia where the streets are filled with people wearing new clothes while trying to find another lemang stall, or where the radio echoes 'berlalulah sudah Ramadhan', I celebrated it at the Malaysian Consulate in Germany instead, where people might not even know what Eid is. Coincidentally, a big event was happening at the Messe, the building beside the consulate and a lot of people were there. When we were taking pictures outside, I saw a lot of eyes looking at us. They might've thought what are those weird clothes? Why are these men wearing skirt?<br />
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All in all, I didn't cry as much this year. Maybe because I know that I'm going home in a month anyway, and my Grandfather promised to prepare all the raya Aidilfitri dishes during Aidiladha :D WEHEEE. I crave catfish sambal. Haih. I don't really like lemang but I'm craving lemang too :( This year I celebrate it with new people too! My juniors <3 And met a few amazing new friends. I realise how much I love them and life is really boring without them. On Saturday a family Day was held. That was fun too, but last year's was more enjoyable but I still like this one better because of the people :)<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">#teamuchuxraver</span></div>
Second day Raya we had Family Day, with Avengers theme. I'm actually quite proud of the AJK (who were mostly my seniors) I mean, it must've been tiring and they didn't even get paid. If that's not altruism I don't know what is.In the end my team won some stuff, but I didnt get to devour it cause my train was early huhu.. It's okay, I never wanted the presents to begin with, the memories were the most precious to me.<br />
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Ainatul Aminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09866392470626618052noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-12916624041112830072018-06-05T23:31:00.001+08:002018-08-06T19:58:45.889+08:00Throwback AustriaThis is so old, I went to Austria in December 2017. After 6 months I suddenly want to reminisce those times. Those times when Danny was still a nice person. After that trip, even when we live in the same small city of 266 thousand population (Augsburg), I have never talked to him ever since. I met him in school a few times but we pretended not to know each other hahahaha. It's so funny how people thought we look like best friends? Lol. Anyways, this post is not about him; it's about how I fall in love with my lovely seniors all over again. And when it all ended, I was lonely again, alone in my 20 square feet room. I actually have not many words to type, as I've also forgot most things I did there. And I wanted to write the names of places that I went like Vienna Palace or whatever but truthfully, I don't even know any of those places' names because I only followed my seniors and took pictures and just live the moment while we could. So here are the pictures. Enjoy, I guess?<br />
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<br />Ainatul Aminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09866392470626618052noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-15350341180982609192018-04-09T01:20:00.000+08:002020-04-05T01:11:41.200+08:00Life Update?Hallo, Assalamualaikum, yes, I'm alive and well, thank you. And no, I haven't forgotten about this blog. The number of blog posts decrease exponentially year by year, lol. Okay, so.. I'm in 2nd Semester now and life seems okay.. I hope it continues to be okay. I'm trying not to waste too much time, lessen my daily dose of internet, try to exercise? more? Tht one I'm not sure I'm just too lazy. I am also lazy to cook, which means I don't dinner so often anymore. I mean,.. that's good right? I once ate just one cup of joghurt for the whole day. Bcs this school's cafeteria sucks. Well, I just generally hate all the food here. YES YES EXCEPT CHOCOLATES THTS WHY I'M STILL FAT.<br />
Last February I went back to Malaysia and I was sooooooooooooooo happyyyyyyy. And I feel so rich like, I ate sushi with my sister and it costed 60 ringgit which is like 12 euros for 2 people and I'm like <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">damn cheapppp. ASTAGHFIRULLAHALAZIM AINATUL MARDHIAH </span></span><br />
<div class="text-left text-translation times-new">
<small class="english"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">"And
do not turn your cheek [in contempt] toward people and do not walk
through the earth exultantly. Indeed, Allah does not like everyone
self-deluded and boastful". 31:18 </span></span></span></small></div>
<div class="text-left text-translation times-new">
<small class="english"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Okay, sorry, I just can't help feel that way haha. And I wonder how I would feel when I finish my studies because my salary would be lesser than what I get now, haha. Okay, to make it more interesting, I'll just leave some pictures here. </span></span></span></small></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihyXbscQi6F7Pr3uVEMunOYg2fnXOKh0T2MWPjGe2J8vkXy-eKIWb1CjA9HazcF2V_k9SSeVZXukF2r0J-eSvYyMJSbT-jAlW9RRumJCSbUVOKr5TBKOrGNblcqa_PaSlKwE8RNao2m-E/s1600/20180215_103352.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihyXbscQi6F7Pr3uVEMunOYg2fnXOKh0T2MWPjGe2J8vkXy-eKIWb1CjA9HazcF2V_k9SSeVZXukF2r0J-eSvYyMJSbT-jAlW9RRumJCSbUVOKr5TBKOrGNblcqa_PaSlKwE8RNao2m-E/s320/20180215_103352.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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(my mother forced me to go hiking)</div>
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(I sacrified my face just to put your picture here, Pajel)</div>
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(I ate it all by myself)</div>
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(Aiman's birthday party)</div>
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(favourite dish, sambal sotong (I only like it if my mom made it ahha))</div>
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<small class="english"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">For Easter I went to Köln and Aachen to meet some friends and I never thought those few days were exactly what I needed; Friends' affection. I am so grateful to have these people in my life. I am sorry I didn't appreciate you enough.</span></span></span></small></div>
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<small class="english"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"> Fast forward to last Friday, I went to Plärrer, it's kind of like an upgraded version of fun fair </span></span></span></small></div>
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<small class="english"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Rather than an exciting trip, it felt more like a Korean class with Kyeoneun hahaha, because she taught me a lot of korean words, I really should go out with her more XD</span></span></span></small><br />
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<small class="english"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">I'm also sad to say that I don't really read now. I want to. I really do, but I just, don't have the time (more like I don't find the time) because I prefer watching videos on youtube than read. That is so uneducational of me, but that's the truth. I still regard it as my hobby, but it's an activity that I would love to do, rather than actually doing it. Like swimming. That being said, I went swimming last week and I fall in love with water all over again. I think I would feel the same if I start reading (english books) again. One of the reasons I stopped was because I thought, rather than english, it's better to read German. but when I read German, I don't understand and even if I do, I don't find the beauty in it because obviously I lack proficiency. I don't know until when I will stay stupid in German, we'll just have to see.. hmm. </span></span></span></small></div>
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<small class="english"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Last but never least, </span></span></span></small></div>
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<small class="english"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">A MERRY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DARLING DINIE AQILAH <3 </span></span></span></small></div>
Ainatul Aminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09866392470626618052noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-43453332203766181152017-12-18T18:04:00.001+08:002017-12-18T18:08:31.704+08:00HmmSuddenly this blog has become a place I vent my anger and sadness when the original purpose was to show people how amazing my life is by posting about my travels and how I celebrate Raya with my big happy family. Now it's just me. Me alone. Being miserable by myself. With only Allah by my side, I have nobody else. I have nobody to hug me when I need it. And I only talk to my cute plushies and I truly believe they undertsand me more than anyone else here does. Their eyes tell me to keep striving and they will always be here when I need a shoulder to cry on. This past week, so many things just happened to me, I mean, disappointing things have been happening to me constantly since I came here but, I don't know, I just feel like Allah just gives me one by one non-stop tests. And the physical test is also coming (my first sem exams). It's less than one month away but I still don't know how things work. I am still crawling, trying to pick up bits I missed in the lecture.<br />
Also, I know that I am not a nice person, not a nice friend for anyone, I am, indeed despicable, and because I know that it's a fact, I avoid being a nuisance as much as I can. I avoid asking for help as much as I can. But I am just a human, no man is an island. Although I'm an introvert or whatever I still need humans to help me. I am not some kind of genius.<br />
But that nuisance DNA is always here. People still dislike me, even when I don't understand what I do wrong. Is it the way I talk? Is it the way I look? All of em? Also, maybe I'm just too sensitive and emotional. I can't handle criticism. Maybe that's just how people talk, they sound annoyed but they're actually not? IDK.<br />
I have been trying to make at least one good human friend when I come to Augsburg but all I have even now are those in Malaysia.<br />
But still, I have plenty of non-human friends that made me keep at least a little jar of happiness in me, like snowflakes always kisses me in the morning on the way to school and ladybugs that visit me everyday and go home before dusk.<br />
One friend said to me, 'all these tests, are God's way to make me stronger, because He knows, nobody can take care me except Him and myself.'<br />
And my mother's words that never fail to bring me to tears whenever I think about it, 'Ingat Allah selalu ada dengan Ain' and I think that has been keeping me sane.<br />
<br />Ainatul Mardhiahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07740612343931944271noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2124837954202633197.post-1718624204309017762017-11-01T02:00:00.002+08:002020-04-05T01:13:00.305+08:00AugsburgWie die Zeit vergeht. Time flies so fast that I am now finally entering university (other people are already in their 3rd Semester but it's okay haha). Well, it has been a month since I became an official student in Hochschule Augsburg (University of Applied Sciences Augsburg). People would've struggled with these 5 subjects that I take but crazy me added 2 more subjects to that burden which are chinese and korean. That was a stupid idea, I KNOW! But I just love these languages I can't give up on either of them. When I know my school offered these courses, I can't help but enroll. That is why I don't actually tell that to people bcs every person I tell it to, they have the 'you sure you're gonna make it?' face. Well, guess what, I don't know either. Haha. I will just try anyway.<br />
Truthfully, I fell in love with Augsburg on the first day. Is it because it's pretty? Is it because it's serene? Or is it because I was warmly welcomed by a really nice girl? It's all of them! Most shops are just a walk away. And the best part is my apartment is just beside the HS. Score! It is such a small city, complete with everything the people need. I can rant on and on for 30 minutes about Augsburg but I'm not gonna do that now.<br />
P/S: we have wifi on trams<br />
Okay so other than that, I have been struggling with my german language. I thought I was good, but nooo i was 100 miles far from that. I did not. Understand. A word. I mean, I can understand a few words in the sentence but not the sentence as whole bcs my brain needs to work so fast and I am not yet capable of that. Despite that, I am still clinging onto my Malaysian friends haha. Actually not because I don't want to find German friends, but they are really tough cookies to crack. I don't really mind not having a lot of friends, I might just be nuisance to them, you know. But of course I have a few that I can talk to though. And I think that's enough haha.<br />
Lately I think I am infected by a disease called 'lazinossporosis'. On Thursday I was like 'I'm gonna make full use in these 2 days! I'm gonna learn Werkstofftechnik, watch educational youtube videos, learn back all the notes ... (2 minutes later).. clean my room, call my friends...<br />
Actually me on weekends: Play sims and watch drama all day.<br />
Me on Monday: (wailing) I SHOULDVE USED MY WEEKEND WISELY *cry cry cry*<br />
Then repeat.<br />
Yeah. That's the reality of my life.<br />
So to close this post, here are some pictures<br />
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(Bcs i miss herrr)</div>
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(River flowing under the Cafeteria)</div>
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(At chuseok festival hehe)</div>
<br />Ainatul Aminhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09866392470626618052noreply@blogger.com4