i'm in love :)

 hey.. um.. 

so.. i have a boyfriend now.. it has been 6 months and its the happiest ive ever been.

he treats me really well and i love him with all my heart. 

oh my god my first boyfriend!! 

all the laufey songs makes sense 🥹 and like a miracle he loves laufey too. and he puts it on when we'd like some romance air in the car and we drive through the evening. repeating and exchanging i love yous

dinie was jealous because she said she has to share me now which sounds so sad but its true :( ill try my best to give time for all of my loved ones hehe.  

my bf and i did a lot together. i kinda wanna make a tiktok of us 'alphabet dating' like a- aquaria date, b-beach date etc. 

i might even do it here tbh. excited to do it!! 

here are some of my favourite no-face pictures of us

  

arent we just so cute??? AAAA

looking gorward to spend a lifetime with you, 

Mardhiah

i guess im 27 now

 and i have had many struggles in my life.. but i think this year hits quite hard on me. 

i guess maybe its the quarter life crisis hormones.. bcs i cant stop thinking and imagining about being loved. 

im afraid however this struggle has chosen me. 

i have to live with the fact that i might not be loved or receive romantic love ever.. 

its hard to wrap my head around it

when ive finally managed to embrace that im visually unfavourable, and now i have to embrace that im unlovable

bcs i thought if i were to ever have any ounce of charm in me, it would be my personality. but after countless failed 'talking stages'.. i guess its not? it's sad to realise i dont even have that in the bag.  shattered my world view quite a bit. i know i didnt quite like how i look but i do like if someone behaves exactly like me. i would always wanna be my friend. but not everyone wants to be. maybe my real friends just tolerate me. 

life is quite depressing isnt it

Dear Soulmate - Laufey

 Will I meet you at a party?

Sit next to you on a plane?

Maybe I already know you and love you
But will fall in love some day

Dear soulmate
Do you think of me? 'Cause I do
Do you have green eyes or are they brown like mine?
Do you have a sister too?
Dear soulmate
One day I'll give this song to you