The terrifying 23

 Being in your early twenties, I think this is the part of life where you feel you're young and old at the same time. In the life spectrum if humans live averagely for 90 years, I'm only 25% there but when browsing social media all them them are zoomers and you don't relate to 'kids nowadays' anymore. Idols are debuting left and right and their  맏형 (oldest) is a 00's liner. I used to call everyone oppa and nowadays nobody is oppa anymore T^T

Being 23 is for me, personally, I start to live in the moment instead of waiting for anything to end. I don't look forward to my graduation, nor my semester breaks. I try to appreciate everything around me more. The weather, these friends, my room. Things that I will miss in the future. Recording every scene with my eyes to keep in my heart. When I'm old one day I'm going to close my eyes and remember that one random night where we cooked Nasi Ayam together and sang along to 'Lagu Jiwang' Spotify Playlist until 1 am and they called me Karaoke Queen. Another night I will remember we played Pictionary with Syafiah and Ahnaf and the Girls Team won. 

I learned not to count days anymore because in highschool we countdown days till SPM, making me feel like SPM is my life goal. 'When I finish SPM, I would be happy. I would do a lot of things when I'm older', I thought as I forget to take a good look of the people who were here for me; people who helped me throughout the journey. I was busy hating the school, I don't even remember why. Yeah, the kids were annoying, but I could've focused more on building relationship with people that matters. Do more fun stuff and not just stay in the dorm and study.

I wish I could relive my younger days and do all the things my younger immaure cowardly self couldn't do. Like joining a sportsclub or stand up for myself or confess to my crush. I wonder how things would've changed. Sometimes I dive too deep into the depths of my imagination and think of impossible things and then I hate myself for it. 

If you asked me a few years ago do I have regrets? I would've struggled to answer But now, being 23 and looking back, actually there are a lot of things I would've done differently or acted more maturely.

23 is also a year where I feel like I'm late in life, comparing my life with other people. My closest friend in Germany got married, most of my highschool friends already graduated, a lot of them already had successful businesses. Growing old is hard, growing up is even harder. 

sigh

But its okay, though. I'm content :)

20

Well, I'm 20 years old, Alhamdulillah, a few people remembered me :) I am 1000 times grateful for that. I'm grateful that I even crossed their minds. I never actually thought that I'm worth thinking about. Yesterday was my first time buying cake for myself XD. If my friends were here,  they would no doubt buy for me but too bad I'm so far away from all of em. My first experience spending my birthday completely alone wasn't as forlorn as it sounds. As a loner, asocial, and an introvert, it was in fact a healing moment. Yes I can't separate myself from a tinge of sadness that I have nobody to celebrate with, but when I think again,  why do people have to celebrate it anyway? I'm not a Nobel prize winner,  I'm not an idol, I dont give much impact to people's lives either. I shouldn't be a nuisance at least. Haha. I should get use to this feeling because I'll be having my next 5 birthdays alone too 😂😂😂. I'm quite proud of myself actually. Last two years, when my class suddenly stopped having birthday party's right before my birthday,  I cried a river lol. I expected to much of people and ended up disappointed without no good reason. My gratitude will never fade to the ones that did care. And also I want to say that it's totally okay to forget my birthday. I wish I can too, but you know.. I can't Hahaha. And I'm not being miserable. It's just a new side of me I never knew existed (maybe evolved?) I am also proud to say that I didnt cry today weeheeee. It's on the verge.  But it didnt burst XD I have been crying on my birthday for as long as I can remember and I want to stop being that sad girl. :)
So thank you again my dearies. I sincerely love you more than than myself. <3

Geburtstag (6940 days)

Never in my life had I thought that I would post anything about my birthday. I never even THOUGHT someone (other than my family) would celebrate it for me. For all these years, I made the (many returns tag) for my friends. And well, for the first time in forever, here you go, my birthday. I'm blessed. Although  staying in this hell hole for more than a year is arduous, some people just made you glad that you're alive.

Nie in meinem Leben hatte ich gedacht, dass ich über meinen Geburtstag posten würde. Ich habe NIEMALS gedacht, dass jemand (außer meiner Familie) ihn für mich feiern würde. All die Jahre lang habe ich die (viele returns tag) für meine Freunde gemacht. Zum ersten Mal in einer Ewigkeit, na ja, hier ist mein Geburtstag. Ich bin gesegnet. Obwohl der Aufenthalt in dieser Dreckloch für mehr als ein Jahr anstrengend ist, einige Leute machten du froh, dass du am Leben bist.

Special thanks to Tan Jie Yi for your hardwork planning. Also to Ang Jing Hao, Akid Ameri, Jim Lee, Sherry Hisham, Syafiqah Zunaidi, Amierul Afiq, Jack Lee <3

and Lee Sheue Wen who coundn't come T^T

I got a lot of messages too (not to forget an essay), from kind friends (especially Dinie, Fadzlin, Nabilah Jais, Durra). I miss them so much. They are so far away. I have so much to say but they are so far away. Thank you friends and family. I will never forget this. 

Best birthday yet.

Cutiepie is now prettipie

생일축하합니다 !!!!!

Cutie Mark

Happy 18th birthday, qtmarshmallow

My beloved idol

New year, new age, new wishes, new stuff, still the old fat me. Well, everyone has been hustling and bustling about new year, I hope you won't forget something far more important than that. Rasulullah SAW's birthday. So get your tongues ready, let's selawat!!
Don't we all just love him so much? His sacrifices for Islam is super duper enormous only Allah can repay them. He is the nicest, handsome-st, most influential person in history.
I miss him. Who doesn't? Really really miss him. Though I just visited his grave 2 weeks ago at Raudhah. God, I miss him. I miss his place, Madinah and everything about him. 
Let's relive his sunnahs.
May we become the ones of the Prophet’s ummah who spread Allah’s and his word to the humankind.
May Allah help us to be stong to always acting by the Prophet’s akhlaq.
May we always be the ones who say salam and salawat upon the Prophet.
Assalamualaikum.

Ugh, bitter. Being sixteen is bitter

TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAYYYY...
I will be in school and I doubt it will be fun. Strange part is, I don't feel anything this year. I don't know, I feel neutral. You know most people keep quiet on their birthday to know who remembers and who doesn't... but I don't think I will do that because I know no one will. HAHA.. Kidding. Someone will. Few. I don't even remember people's. Can't expect people to remember mine..  So bye now. Will be back in school in a few hours. I hate this feeling. Nevermind. School's ending. AND THAT IS GREAT NEWS. Tadaaa people.

For the 15th time, Happy Many Returns!

YAY!
No, that's not right.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..
Okay that's better. I should be sad.
Who will be happy when their death date is nearing, DUH.

Okay, whatever it is, I'm still happy :)
Got some McDonalds and permission to go somewhere (KL WITH AINAAA and Dinie and Pajel)
Alhamdulillah...

Sigh, what's going happen to me, next?
From 28th October 2011 until today, I haven't grow an inch. This is so depressing. I'm currently 4/11 (148cm) and I don't wanna stay that way. Even a 9 year old kid is taller than me. What's worse is I'm fat. In fact, gaining every day. I gained 5 kg since last year and that is killing me. Despite the fact, I pathetically did nothing. Yep. Nothing at all. Sigh.. Oh, well I did gain something. Knowledge of course! Alhamdulillah.. and I really hope I'll get 8As. I will.

I really don't like writing this. Do I look I'm bragging or anything? You know, when our birthday comes, we will have really high hopes on everyone like when you are awake from sleep you're like.. "Today's my birthday! I'll get lots of birthday greetings and presents and love and I don't have to do house chores today and my sisters will treat me nicely"..and then you got disappointed. You know, people you expect to remember didn't and personally, it don't matter but there's some part of me just can't stop thinking 'Why doesn't she remember?'
There is also something special about this years' birthday. What is it again? Oh, no birthday cake, yes. First time :D

Since today is also the second day of Hari Raya Aidiladha, SALAM AIDILADHA!!!! Did you eat well yesterday (or today for those who just got their Korban meat today)?Delicious aren't they. Succulent, soft and yummm, mouth watering and tomorrow I'll be eating some MORE korban meat!! at school!
I also went to Segamat, Johor, my hometown.

okay, there are no cow pictures because I don't get to see them getting slaughtered.

My grandpa's home is great though.. Many fishes and cats!

There is something I just remembered. exactly 15 years ago, I was born, yes. Something happened some nights after that because I nearly died. I guess I have to appreciate life more after this because I literally survived death a few times.Oh god I sinned too much. SO SO much. I wonder what my angel think of me. OOOOKAY I'm straying from reality..

Well, enjoy your holiday guys! Do something productive! Goodbye, Assalamualaikum :)

P/S: Thanks Aina for calling me :'D

AIN

엄마, 생일축하합니다 !

saengil chukha hamnida!

A very Happy Birthday to my mom, Rosmeza Othman aka Rose :D

Fyi, my father posted this on my mom's wall :D
cute, isn't it?
So mum, happy birthday.
If I can live up to being just half the parent you have been, I will consider myself to be successful in life. Thanks for being the perfect mom.
I am what I am today, because of you.
and of course, this one little post means nothing compared to what you did.
and words can never thank you much.
but, I love you.
LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU.

What a bad writer I am. How can I ever write well? sigh...

Ain

A Merry Happy Birthday To You!

For Who?

FOR MY.....

JENG 

JENG 

JENG!!!

아버지 !!

Guess you don't understand that, do you? 

HAHA.

It's actually,...

MY FATHER'S BIRTHDAY TODAY!

5th June 1970

WOOHO!

" Semoga panjang umur dan murah rezeki~" :)

I LOVE YOU, AYAH!!!!

P.S: Not to forget, Happy Birthday too to my sister, LING LING aka Atir or her real name is, Atirah Mardhiah. 16.6.2003

love 1D,

Ain

Dinie appreciation post

The heck is that?
:D
I'm smiling to my ears because..........
It's...............
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DINIE'S BIRTHDAY!!!!!
It was on Monday, actually

Hello older Dinie.
Your death date is closer now, huh?
:D Why am I saying that on someone's birthday?
I apologize :)

So here,
now,
on this blog,
on this freaking going-to-break-anytime chair,
for the second time,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DINIE AQILAH AHMAD FARIZ
 
<3

If you had been on my blog since last year or the year before,
you probably know who Dinie is.
I write about Dinie a million times already.
See this and this

What should I say now?

I'm so sorry about the ugly card
*sigh, it's all that my mind can think of.
As you should've known,
my left brain is not so good.

so, this is a bit cheesy but, um,
I love you,
and I mean it.
How many times should I tell this?

Now this one is cheesier.

Happy birthday my best friend,
Amazing times, we always spend.
Laughter and jokes are common place,
Since we built that solid base.

Special friend that I hold dear,
Always wish to have you near.
We get along, like bread with honey,
A friendship worth, much more than money.

If you stumble, count me there,
Gratitude; no need to declare.
Your thoughts are clear, in my mind,
Understanding we always find.

Happy birthday my best friend,
I’m excited to attend.
This birthday poem, is just for you,
A great big smile is overdue.

love Dinie,-and 1D

Ain

Happy Birthday!

Although you'll never know,
Just, Happy birthday, okay!
Note yourself
if you are born in 22 January :D

This present is for you ^o^


DAMN. How can you EVER EVER read this.
I'm invisible.
At least I have a super power
:D

happy boshday<3

Ain

The 14 year-old, me

From the title, obviously, today is my birthday :)
so,
I feel like making an essay.
I know mine isn't as good as Dinie's,
isn't at all like Kenneth's
and doesn't impress the teachers enough.

I'm just expressing things that occurred and passed in front of me.

Okay, I've learnt many things from the past 14 years.
I just knew how water supply system could be so complicated.
Well, I had been wondering where the water from the pipe came from.
My mom said water came from mountains and the nearest mountain from my house is MILES away.
How can the water run safely to my pipe?
Why sometimes the water came out so rusty?
Why this and why that.
I twisted my own brain -.-
Technically, now I know :)


The next thing that I realized that there is no such subject as 'music' :(
WHY ISN'T THERE ANY MUSIC !!!
I will be happy if I can play even ONE type of musical instrument.
The only song that I CAN play on the recorder is Mary Had A Little Lamb. *face palm

Sometimes, I can't accept that i'm not a 12 year-old youngster anymore
and everything is worse now because when I was 13, I lied to those innocent ticket seller by saying I'm 12, making the ticket price cheaper.
I also went to Pusat Sains Negara. There was one incident when the worker said only children under the year of 12 can ride the triceratops simulator. I, with the face of an Ayam Brand sardine, entered the simulator. I act like a 10 year old excactly :



Oh my god, I don't know why I did all those just because to hide that I'm a teenager.
Maybe Atiqah is like this too.
She lies about her current 'status' THE WHOLE TIME.
I was embarrassed too but that feeling fade from time to time.
Having 'that' thing is normal, right?
Every girl will experience that. :)

Also, I think that myself isn't ready to be a teen yet.

This is because my love to cartoon has not fade even one bit.
I'm the one who suffers the most when me and my siblings missed one episode of Doraemon.
I also like to sleep with teddy bears.
They are my best friends at home.
And believe this :
When I don't have anyone to talk to, I talk to my teddy bear named, Trifflez.
Sometimes I talk to my diary, Crowny but most of the time I chat with Trifflez
Hey, you know what?
Once, there was this one boy laughed and said that I'm eccentric because I talked to a tissue -.-
Is talking to non-living things a criminal?
There are some things that can't be said to human
so, where can I express such things?
-To THINGS! :)

*sigh sigh sigh
Why everything has to be so fast?
One moment I'm on my mom's lap,
one moment, I'm at school with my standard 1 teacher
and the next thing I know is that i'm sitting for UPSR.

Time runs super fast.
I wish I can be like it
so, I can take part in the school's sport's day.

That's all now.
I wish I have school today because I want to hear birthday wishes :D
(I'm so selfish)
Nevermind then.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME !!

Thank you mom for being the first to wish me :)
and thank you Dinie for giving me such sweet-annoying e-mail. :D
I'm glad, pleased and I feel um, BLISSFUL :)

AIN

Words of joy (Eid and Tiqah)

From the deepest heart of mine, I, with all pleasure wishing all of you Muslims

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI.

I know today is 10^th Syawal already but better late than never...

I had been very busy which had been the reason  why I didn’t  update for quite a while. Meaning that Dinie and Atiqah must’ve been the same because they didn’t update for a longer time than me.

Okay. Ramadhan left. Too bad. Hope this is not the last. :). Also, I regretted for not having tarawih for  a total of 13 days. Imperfections were caused by laziness, SOME QUITE important things to do and things that can’t be prevented. Oh well.

Oh, and special greetings to Nurul Atiqah Norramli who had been so cute all this while. :D Happy Birthday, MY BABY! Although the present is not as vogue as the gift you gave me for my last birthday, believe me, I worked hard to think what should I gave you. So sorry I can’t give you better, and FYI, it was never a nuisance. I LOVE YOU, clone. XD.

 

Syawal won’t last long either. It’ll leave me! Just like Ramadhan :’(.

ALSO, SELAMAT HARI RAYA AINA FATNIN, wish you were here, :).

here are some raya pictures :

AIN

Happy Birthday to one of my sunshines!

A Happy Birthday To AISHAH AMIRA!

You are fully teen now! HAHA!

SERVE YOU RIGHT!

SORRY! SORRY!

Actually, I'm jealous because your birthday is later than mine..

you know, I don't wanna be a grown up..

Sorry okay!

and I'm sorry not to come to your house.

Sorry!

mm...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I hope you have a wonderful day!

AIN!