20

Well, I'm 20 years old, Alhamdulillah, a few people remembered me :) I am 1000 times grateful for that. I'm grateful that I even crossed their minds. I never actually thought that I'm worth thinking about. Yesterday was my first time buying cake for myself XD. If my friends were here,  they would no doubt buy for me but too bad I'm so far away from all of em. My first experience spending my birthday completely alone wasn't as forlorn as it sounds. As a loner, asocial, and an introvert, it was in fact a healing moment. Yes I can't separate myself from a tinge of sadness that I have nobody to celebrate with, but when I think again,  why do people have to celebrate it anyway? I'm not a Nobel prize winner,  I'm not an idol, I dont give much impact to people's lives either. I shouldn't be a nuisance at least. Haha. I should get use to this feeling because I'll be having my next 5 birthdays alone too 😂😂😂. I'm quite proud of myself actually. Last two years, when my class suddenly stopped having birthday party's right before my birthday,  I cried a river lol. I expected to much of people and ended up disappointed without no good reason. My gratitude will never fade to the ones that did care. And also I want to say that it's totally okay to forget my birthday. I wish I can too, but you know.. I can't Hahaha. And I'm not being miserable. It's just a new side of me I never knew existed (maybe evolved?) I am also proud to say that I didnt cry today weeheeee. It's on the verge.  But it didnt burst XD I have been crying on my birthday for as long as I can remember and I want to stop being that sad girl. :)
So thank you again my dearies. I sincerely love you more than than myself. <3

Frankfurt and Eid

Soooo the first Raya without family. None. Zero. Not even one. Nuh-uh. Okay you get it. I'm pretty sad. Well, no, I am so overwhelmingly sad, that even when I had a few happy hours in Frankfurt with my friends, it is safe to say that this has been the most sorrowful Eid I have ever had in my life. Is worse to come? :,) well let's all wait and see because I am pretty sure that no Raya dates in the next 5 years collide with my Semester break which meannnnnsss there is a fat chance that I will be celebrating Raya with my family anytime soon. *cries cries* *screams* *bawling my eyes out*
Okay, sooo
nevertheless, I was very grateful that my package from Malaysia came :,). Mother sent exquisite Baju Raya(s) and all these other cool stuff from Malaysia like Maggi and Milo and instant ketupat and coconut milk and what's that you said? Those are normal everyday food that you can get from the store 5 minutes away from your house? Well in Germany, zhose are gems. Nein, more valuable zhan gems. Zhose are rare gemsssss (*laughs in german)
Okay sooo to make story short, I was terribly sad (yeah I said that a thousand times) and on the raya night, I tried to call my parents but they didnt have internet so the very very kind en. Syarqawi (JPA officer) lent me his phone and I called Malaysia and cried a Rhein river, (well I mean Donau river becuase Donau is longer than Rhein) and did I mention I was enveloped with gloom? Furthermore my grandmother was hospitalized (again) that raya dawn and I just heard these sweet voices of my mom, my father, grandfather, uncle, and all of those tears just can't stop. I used most of the liquid in my body to secrete it through my eyes and guess who had two big swollen eyesss. ME. So yeah, that is how it went. I hope my grandmother gains strength again. I hope she survives this battle. And I hope I will survive my battle, here in Germany, no matter how hard it will be, I just hope I make it.

Some raya pics

BTS FESTA 2017

Wow! It has been 4 successful years and believe it or not, I have been here the whole time. Its weird seeing their success in front of my eyes. 4 years ago they were nobodys who give out their concert posters to people on the street. They were listening to American artists for inspiration but now they have become inspiration (or should I say infirestion) themselves. It is amazing to see how much they have grown from babies to handsome men. I feel like a mother watching her 7 sons sprout and blossom into beautiful flowers. I have been here from the start, and I will be sure to be here till the end.
This is not typical of me to write about such things and it might sound immature, but Im doing it anyway.
Starting with the oldest Jin. The Hyung we love and respect. He is that one of a kind gentle boy who is tender and manly at the same time. He is very much like my brother, who likes things or colours that mostly girls would like, but not at all effeminate. Often has the least lines in a song. People might know him just as a 'visual' but he is very much more than that. He might not be the best dancer or singer, but he sure is one of the top. He is so underrated that sometimes it makes me sad, that he didnt get as much love as he deserve. This sometimes childish demeanor makes him  so cute and he looks as young as jungkook. XD
진 히메 사랑해요.
Namjoon-ie is the coolest leader ever. What can he not do? Intelligent, hardworking, poetic, kind, good in languages, he has em all. He also has to take care of his hyungs, although they are older. His lyric writing skill is AMAZING. BTS song lyrics really moved me such as Spinebreaker that talks about how kids are spending so much of their parents' money to buy 'trendy' clothes. No critics the school system that only stresses students. No more dreams tells us to think about what really do we want in life and does everything even matter? Change that talks about how he wishes the world is more just. Spring Day (my favourite) about the love of a friend who lives far away (also maybe in another world) AND MANY OTHERS (not to mention countless motivation songs). The love songs are innocent and that is what I really really like about them. Thank you Rapmon (and others) that made these beautiful lyrics. They are so beautiful that people (especially korean writers) regard them as literature.
Hosiekie is the sunshine. The one that brightens the whole room when he enters. He can fill the whole place with joy without much effort. Jhope is full of confidence that he can make ugly faces and still look pretty.
YOONGIIIII. Yoongi is also one of the underrated members of bts. He looks like an introvert who doesnt speak much and acts like an old man but we dont know what he went through when he was younger. He struggled through mental problems and thank goodness he is better now. Suga also has amazing rap talents and I am so proud of his mixtape! Even when he makes songs for other artists, those songs will rank no 1 in no time!
Jimin, ahhhhh this cutie mochi manggedeok. He is just so squishyyy i really want to squish his fluffy pau cheeks. My smol bean (although he is not really that small haha). Jimin is so modest, always complimenting others but didnt realise he worked very hard himself. His contempaorary dance skills are out of this world! I can hear his sweet voice all day everyday XD
Jungkookieee. THE Jungkook. Although there are probably millions of jungkooks in Korea, this jungkook is the most special one. THE golden maknae. Kookie can do anything. Singing, dancing, playing games, sports, literally everything. I believe he is sometimes more mature than his hyungs, Jin especially hahahaha. This boy just traps every female's hearts. (Older, younger, even mothers, lol)
Last but far from least, KIM TAEHYUNG 💓. The love of my life. His preferences be it music, fashion or whatever are always classy. Gucci boy loves kids. How cute is that! He likes to joke around and make silly faces. Haha. Well, I just love evrything about him.
Although Tae is my bias, I love every other member equally! Tae is just 0,1% more. Hehehe. With all the fame and success my boys receive, my selfish inner ARMY can't help but think 'I like the old times when there were just BTS and our small group of ARMY family.' I just hope those new fans (especially westerns) dont make dirty jokes about them because they are disgusting. We all should respect their relationship and even them in general.
Wow I talk too much. So yeahhh that's it! I hope I can go to a Bts concert/ fansign event one day (with Annie and my sister of course). Happy 4th Anniversary! I hope BTS Festa continues until the end of time! 안영! 방탄소년단 너무 사랑해요!