Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Throwback Austria

This is so old, I went to Austria in December 2017. After 6 months I suddenly want to reminisce those times. Those times when Danny was still a nice person. After that trip, even when we live in the same small city of 266 thousand population (Augsburg), I have never talked to him ever since. I met in in school a few times but we pretended not to know each other hahahaha. It's so funny how people thought we look like best friends? Lol. Anyways, this post is not about him; it's about how I fall in love with my lovely seniors all over again. And when I it all ended, I was lonely again, alone in my 20 square feet room. I actually have not many words to type, as I've also forgot most things I did there. And I wanted to write the names of places that I went like Vienna Palace or whatever but truthfully, I don't even know any of those places' names because I only followed my seniors and took pictures and just live the moment while we could. So here are the pictures. Enjoy, I guess?

Monday, April 9, 2018

Life Update?

Hallo, Assalamualaikum, yes, I'm alive and well, thank you. And no, I haven't forgotten about this blog. The number of blog posts decrease exponentially year by year, lol. Okay, so.. I'm in 2nd Semester now and life seems okay.. I hope it continues to be okay. I'm trying not to waste too much time, lessen my daily dose of internet, try to exercise? more? Tht one I'm not sure I'm just too lazy. I am also lazy to cook, which means I don't dinner so often anymore. I mean,.. that's good right? I once ate just one cup of joghurt for the whole day. Bcs this school's cafeteria sucks. Well, I just generally hate all the food here. YES YES EXCEPT CHOCOLATES THTS WHY I'M STILL FAT.
Last February I went back to Malaysia and I was sooooooooooooooo happyyyyyyy. And I feel so rich like, I ate sushi with my sister and it costed 60 ringgit which is like 12 euros for 2 people and I'm like damn cheapppp. ASTAGHFIRULLAHALAZIM AINATUL MARDHIAH
"And do not turn your cheek [in contempt] toward people and do not walk through the earth exultantly. Indeed, Allah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful". 31:18 
Okay, sorry, I just can't help feel that way haha. And I wonder how I would feel when I finish my studies because my salary would be lesser than what I get now, haha. Okay, to make it more interesting, I'll just leave some pictures here. 
 (my mother forced me to go hiking)
 (I sacrified my face just to put your picture here, Pajel)
 (I ate it all by myself)
 (Aiman's birthday party)
 (favourite dish, sambal sotong (I only like it if my mom made it ahha))

For Easter I went to Köln and Aachen to meet some friends and I never thought those few days were exactly what I needed; Friends' affection. I am so grateful to have these people in my life. I am sorry I didn't appreciate you enough.

  Fast forward to last Friday, I went to Plärrer, it's kind of like an upgraded version of fun fair 

Rather than an exciting trip, it felt more like a Korean class with Kyeoneun hahaha, because she taught me a lot of korean words, I really should go out with her more XD

I'm also sad to say that I don't really read now. I want to. I really do, but I just, don't have the time (more like I don't find the time) because I prefer watching videos on youtube than read. That is so uneducational of me, but that's the truth. I still regard it as my hobby, but it's an activity that I would love to do, rather than actually doing it. Like swimming. That being said, I went swimming last week and I fall in love with water all over again. I think I would feel the same if I start reading (english books) again. One of the reasons I stopped was because I thought, rather than english, it's better to read German. but when I read German, I don't understand and even if I do, I don't find the beauty in it because obviously I lack proficiency. I don't know until when I will stay stupid in German, we'll just have to see.. hmm.  

Last but never least, 

Monday, December 18, 2017


Suddenly this blog has become a place I vent my anger and sadness when the original purpose was to show people how amazing my life is by posting about my travels and how I celebrate Raya with my big happy family. Now it's just me. Me alone. Being miserable by myself. With only Allah by my side, I have nobody else. I have nobody to hug me when I need it. And I only talk to my cute plushies and I truly believe they undertsand me more than anyone else here does. Their eyes tell me to keep striving and they will always be here when I need a shoulder to cry on. This past week, so many things just happened to me, I mean, disappointing things have been happening to me constantly since I came here but, I don't know, I just feel like Allah just gives me one by one non-stop tests. And the physical test is also coming (my first sem exams). It's less than one month away but I still don't know how things work. I am still crawling, trying to pick up bits I missed in the lecture.
Also, I know that I am not a nice person, not a nice friend for anyone, I am, indeed despicable, and because I know that it's a fact, I avoid being a nuisance as much as I can. I avoid asking for help as much as I can. But I am just a human, no man is an island. Although I'm an introvert or whatever I still need humans to help me. I am not some kind of genius.
But that nuisance DNA is always here. People still dislike me, even when I don't understand what I do wrong. Is it the way I talk? Is it the way I look? All of em? Also, maybe I'm just too sensitive and emotional. I can't handle criticism. Maybe that's just how people talk, they sound annoyed but they're actually not? IDK.
 I have been trying to make at least one good human friend when I come to Augsburg but all I have even now are those in Malaysia.
But still, I have plenty of non-human friends that made me keep at least a little jar of happiness in me, like snowflakes always kisses me in the morning on the way to school and ladybugs that visit me everyday and go home before dusk.
One friend said to me, 'all these tests, are God's way to make me stronger, because He knows, nobody can take care me except Him and myself.'
And my mother's words that never fail to bring me to tears whenever I think about it, 'Ingat Allah selalu ada dengan Ain' and I think that has been keeping me sane.