Innalillahiwainnailaihirajiun

I lost a grandparent for the first time today. I have thought about it happening for a looong long time but every time I push it back and say, no, it won't happen to me.

But it did. 

Who am I to say no to qada' and qadar. I pray that Allah prolongs all 4 of my grandparents lives every day. I'm scared to have that happen to me. 

I am very lucky to be born with all 4 grandparents still living. That itself is a huge blessing to me. But I know every soul must taste death. I just didn't know it would be this fast. The fact that I am so far away made it so much worse. I wish I could see him for one last time, be there with him when he's lowered in the grave. But that's all qada and qadar and I accept that. 

But I feel relieved knowing that my grandfather had been nothing but kind, strong and pious. I will miss your traditional house models made from skewers. You were a creative handy man. Your ears can't hear but your lips are always reciting zikir. Sometimes you write them down in cursive. I remember finding those books scattered around the house. Talking about the house, yeah, you even made that yourself. You used to have a basement, now it's the lower floor. Your joke made when I was 10 or 11 I still remember until today 'Antara Ain, Ya dan Atir ayah siapa paling muda?' It made totally no sense to me that time (until now even) maybe that is why I remembered it. Haha. Oh, in case you're wondering, the answer is Ain (me) bcs my father was the youngest when he had me. Honestly, the words I've said to you for all my life might've been less than 550 words. Adding to your hearing loss, it's quite hard for us to chat but I've always loved you the same. I pray that we meet again in Heaven, insya Allah. 

Semoga Allah menempatkan arwah tok abahku dalam kalangan orang-orang yang beriman

I think I have never said this to you: Ain sayang Atuk.