Now that I'm here, I still pinch myself sometimes to make sure this isn't a dream. People might think this is a nice dream, but is it? When I was a kid, I wrote a wish list on a piece of A4 paper. Number one, make my parents happy, and number 2 was studying abroad where snow falls. It was a wish I never even imagined would come true. Sure, I hoped but really being here? I think it's a miracle. Allah gave me a chance and I won't be a fool to waste it.
It wasn't even a day until I started to miss everyone. When will I go home? Can I bear this loneliness? Am I independent enough for this? What if I don't make it? I asked and thought of too many things that I don't even have the answers to.
I thought back about how my family did crazy things, like buying me crazy expensive stuff and saying crazy cheesy words. Everyday my mother asked me "what do you want to eat?". Without hesitation she bought everything I laid my eyes on. My grandfather brought me to Satay Stall. My sister used her one week allowance to buy me a present. My friends did everything they could.
I didn't want to cry when I come here. I don't want to feel homesick, not because I don't want to miss home, but I don't want to go though all this crying phase again. It pains me and I won't be able to do anything about it. Boarding school sure helped but look who's crying again, lol. Family and friends, thank you. I appreciated every single gesture and present. And I love you all.
When I arrived, it felt like -8 degrees Celsius. (although I never experienced -8). It felt like being in the freezer. I hate it already. Did I mention touching snow was number 3 on my wish list?
I dreamed winter to be a gentle pure white comfortable season but oh boy how wrong was I? It's ugly. It's slippery. It freezes. It freezes me and my heart. I'm numb all over. Despite all the hate towards winter, mother nature seemed to have a way of coaxing me. When snow fell, my heart becomes warm again. Looks like I have a soft spot for snow. The day snow falls, is the day I'm happy. Nothing can make me mad on a snowing day.
But I still hope for better days. This winter feels like forever. I hope time does its thing again, you know, flies so fast. Who knows, spring will come before I know it. And who knows, with just a bit of patience, I will have semester break and set foot in Malaysia again :)
Please pray for me. I hope I don't fall or drift apart. I know that I am never alone. I know I can do this. I know I can.
(so many showed up!)
(For once, I felt like a celebrity)
(I will buy this one day)
(waiting at Heathrow, London)
(these are damn good)
I also lowkey appreciate JPA. Thank you.