>

Thursday, April 11, 2019

The most sensitive person I know is me

I'm affected a lot about what people say and think about me. Not only that, I'm also sensitive to the topics that people talk about around me; even when it's not about me, if it's negative things, I feel anxious for no reason. If they badmouth someone, I feel like I'm going to be badmouthed too.
Sometimes they talk about negative things that they noticed about people; things that they noticed but I didn't. Like when I talk to this german person and came back to my friends they were like
 'Did you see how she looked at you?'
'Did you notice her annoyed voice when talking to you?'
You know what? I didn't and I don't wanna know.
God gave me this feature because He knows my heart is sensitive. He made me oblivious because that's the best for me. I would get hurt by all these words so if it's not VERY obvious, I would never notice.
Most people would agree on the quote
'Better to the hurt with the truth than comforted with lies'
but to me unless it's REALLY REALLY important, I rather be bliss with ignorance. Give me your comforting lies.
Tell me my cooking is good.
Tell me I'm pretty.
Tell me I'm good in speaking German/ Korean.
because I know, deep down I know those are just blatant lies to make me feel better. And sometimes it made me think, maybe those aren't lies. Maybe justttt maayyybe they're telling the truth. So I should improve myself to get those compliments again.

Also I can say I'm quite brave. Not much but a liiiiittle bit. I can approach basically anyone if I have a question. But before I do, I ask my friends first, but they didn't answer so I thought probably, just like me, they don't know. But when I ask someone else they show this face of disgust like ' You seriously don't know this?' (which I only knew  after a friend told me)
Then I came back to the friend and she uttered the most absurd words I've ever heard.
'I heard your question but I didn't answer because it was too easy. I thought I heard wrong'
I'm like SIS WHYYYY *crying emoji*. Even if I asked what is 1+1 you should've just answered me because truthfully, I'm THAT stupid.
And this isn't just a one time incident. It happens a lot and it made me sad all day.
Made me realise
'yeah, you're the only stupid person in class and you know what? You're probably the stupidest in the whole school.'

0 <--I know it is zero: